Different Than Expected
by AddsTheWriter
Summary: When tragedy strikes for Olivia and Noah, the Sergeant will find solace in someone she never expected. And maybe she'll find something more than just help through a hard time with a man she's all too familiar with.
1. Chapter 1

_*** I know, always starting a new story, but there's always those ideas you just can't get out of your head. After the episode "December Solstice" and the scene in which Olivia tells Barba she sees herself bickering with him when she's 85, I can't help but ship their relationship. So not right away, but eventually this will be a Barson story. Hope you all enjoy! * **_

The late-August sun shone down on the mother and son pair as they made their way to the red, blue, and yellow play structure on the other side of the park. It was the first Sunday that whole month that Olivia Benson got a break from ordering her squad around and being able to spend the entire day with little Noah.

Olivia stopped in the grass nearby the child-filled territory and knelt down to unbuckle Noah from his seat. "There we go mister." She lifted him up from the seat and stood him up next to her.

"Pay, pay." As hard as Noah tried, he still struggled to say most of the words he spoke, but Liv had come to understand what most of them meant.

"I know, buddy, but we're going to eat our lunch first and then we can play." The mom knew, however, that getting any food into the little boy's tummy would be a difficult task when he was so distracted by his next activity.

Half an hour later, the pair still sat on their blanket. As much as Noah loved to play, the kid loved eating a little more, such a boyish trait he already displayed. He had finished his half a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, grapes, a few strawberries, and was working on finishing his chocolate chip cookie, the best part of his whole meal. Olivia sat beside him, finishing her own lunch, and watched as the little boy enjoyed himself. Moments like this, when it was just the two of them, were her favorite.

"Pay, mama, pay." Noah had shoved the last bit of his cookie into his mouth and was now talking through it, anxious to make his way to the play structure.

Olivia put away the empty containers and shoved the lunch bag back into the bottom of the stroller. "Okay, Noah, we can go play."

The little boy smiled in response and immediately got to his feet, walking as quickly as he could towards the play area.

It had been nearly three months since the adoption was finalized and Olivia could more officially call Noah her son. And nothing in her life had ever felt so meant to be; the bubbly, happy, babbling little boy was hers and was always meant to be hers. While, there were times when Liv thought of Ellie and what might have happened had she not be green lit, it saddened her a little that the woman would never get to be a part of her son's life, but Liv also knew that it would have been a tough situation and certainly not a great situation to bring up a child in. So, in a way she felt like she was helping Noah and Ellie, which was exactly what she had wanted to do in the end.

"Mama, side!" Noah screamed excitedly about the blue plastic slide, as he watched the other children go down at a rapid pace. The slide was always his favorite.

But before the brunette sergeant could help her son up the steps and down the slide, she heard a familiar voice calling her name.

"Liv!" It was none other than Rafael Barba himself, sporting an unusual pair of khaki shorts and a light pink polo. "Liv!"

"Seriously, Barba?" Olivia questioned him as he got closer. "You really have to find me on a Sunday?"

"It's so good to see you too." The DA smirked at her. "You team said I could probably find you here if you weren't at home."

"And what did you need to find me for?"

"Well I got some pictures delivered to me this afternoon that have a little something to do with our accusers activities." He was referring to their most recent victim at the sixteenth precinct, a former prostitute who was now accusing her ex-boyfriend of rape. It had been a sketchy case from the beginning, the last thing the team needed was something else to muddle the investigation.

"Just what I wanted today, how did you know?" The sarcasm dripped from Olivia's words.

"Oh, you know, I figure you can always use a good reason to ruin your day off."

Liv sighed. "If it's going to ruin my day, then I will be saving this for later." She gestured to the folder that Barba had handed her.

"Do whatever you please with it; I just wanted to make sure that it got into the correct hands." Barba chuckled.

"Mama, mama." Noah whined as he tugged on his mother's hand.

"Hola, Noah." Barba leaned down so he was at the same height as the boy.

Noah gave him a cheesy smile. "Barb!"

Olivia couldn't help but laugh at her son's reaction. Noah and Barba had obviously met before, but with Noah now doing his fair share of talking, they had yet to have a conversation. "I swear I didn't teach him that. The kid obviously hears me say your name a little too often."

"So funny." Barba rolled his eyes in a playful manner. "Well, you will be calling me later when you get a chance to look over those, but for now I'll let you two finish the rest of your afternoon."

The rest of that afternoon consisted of repeated trips down the slide and a long time on the swing filled with many giggles. With a stop for ice cream after leaving the park, the pair made their way back to the apartment.

A cluttering of bright colored, plastic toys covered the living room floor, seeming to swallow it in toddler entertainment. Everywhere the mom tried to step she ran into another block or stuffed animal or bouncy ball.

"Noah is it fun for you to make everything a mess?" Liv questioned her son later that evening, while they sat in the apartment.

The dark haired, big eyed little boy laughed at his mama, like he knew that no matter what he did, he was too cute for her to stay mad at. No matter what anyone said, children were a lot wiser than they were given credit for and Noah certainly wasn't any acceptation.

"Oh you think that's funny, do you? Do you?" Olivia asked the question as she scooped the little boy up from his spot on the floor surrounded by toys and set him down on the couch, tickling him until his giggles filled the apartment with joy.

"Mama!" Noah squealed with excitement.

Every time he called her mama, she felt a small tug at her heart. Even after hearing it over and over again, she couldn't help but smile when she heard the word leave her son's mouth. After waiting so long to become a mother, Olivia didn't take a single moment with Noah for granted and every one they spent together was a memory she would cherish.

Hours seemed like minutes to the mother and son pair, especially when there were only so many hours that were shared with just the two of them. Before even realizing it the day was dwindling away and dinner needed to be made and baths had.

"How about mama makes us some dinner and then we can have a nice long bath?" Liv found herself constantly talking to Noah now that at nearly two years old he was starting to answer back.

"Foo mama." Although many of Noah's responses weren't quite full words or always understandable.

An hour later dinner had been made, eaten, and cleaned up. Spaghetti had been the meal of choice, as Noah was a fan of the noodles that were easy to pick up with his fingers since he hadn't quite mastered the using of a fork or spoon yet.

Bath time had followed as normal and Liv watched as Noah splashed around in the warm water, more toys had made their way into the bath to be played with. It was the most normal aspect of every day, but Olivia always found herself looking forward to it, something about the minutes spent in the small, warm space, watching her son entertain himself made her feel like a mom.

"Alright, buddy, let's get you in your pj's." The two had made their way back into Noah's room and were sitting on the floor.

Olivia rubbed baby lotion on Noah as he squirmed under her touch. She finished with a fresh diaper and the dinosaur pajamas Noah loved so much. He was all ready for bed, but first it was time for his book of the night. Liv would read Noah at least one book every night before putting him to bed, it was just one of those things she had always wished to do with her own mother and since it had never happened for her, she made sure it happened for Noah.

As soon as Olivia sat down with Noah in her lap, though, she was interrupted by a knock on the apartment door.

"Now, who could that be Noah?" Liv's first thought was Barba again with another reason to ruin their case.

But when Olivia made her way to the door only a moment later, Noah settled on her hip, the person on the other side of the door was certainly not Barba.

"Can I help you?" Liv asked the tall, burly man that now stood in front of her doorway.

But instead of getting a response in words, the man said nothing and rather he reached for his waist, pulling from its holster, a gun.

_*** Let me know what you think! ***_


	2. Chapter 2

_*** Thank you so much for the response to this story! I'm so glad all of you are so ready to read it and see what happens, so here it is. * **_

She was a trained police officer turned detective and now a sergeant, she had seen too many guns to count in her days and carried one on her own waste every day for more than twenty years, yet as soon as she saw the silver revolver the large, strange man pulled from his belt, she couldn't do anything; she simply froze, more than terrified for what was to follow.

He barged into the apartment, causing Olivia to stumble backwards as he towered over her.

"Please." Liv felt her breath quicken and her heart rate turn to a rapid pounding.

The man still said nothing, but he instead laughed at the women trying to beg him to stop. He seemed unfazed, calm, and ready to attack the unarmed sergeant.

"Hey, stop playing look out and come get the kid." The man yelled to what seemed like no one, until a woman walked in from the hallway.

But as soon as she reached for Noah, Liv responded immediately, kicking the woman hard enough to make her fall to the ground. "You stupid, bitch." The woman cried out in pain.

The man stepped in quickly and the gun that was in his hand met Olivia's left temple. "Set the child down."

"No." Olivia tried to stay firm, but she could feel herself wavering. In that moment she had to make a decision because she cared more about what happened to Noah, than what happened to her.

"Put the damn child down!" The man pressed gun even harder to her head.

Liv carefully stepped to the side and gently placed Noah on the couch. The little boy teared up almost instantly, reaching for his momma and screaming her name. Olivia had to muster all the strength she had to turn away from him; nothing would hurt more than giving him up.

But it still wasn't enough for the armed man. "That's what I thought." And he grabbed her arm, twisting it as hard as he could behind her back, forcing her down to her knees.

The female partner of the man, had recovered from the blow delivered by Olivia and got up from the floor, headed straight for the couch where Noah sat, crying. She picked him up, making the little boy scream even louder and fight against the other woman's grip.

Olivia stared up at her attacker as he watched his partner. She studied every feature of his face; his brown eyes that were mean and filled with aggression, his bushy dark eyebrows, over-grown beard that took over his face, and his smirk. It was that smirk that sent a chill down her spine, like he knew that there was nothing and nobody that could challenge him.

"What are you looking at?" The man turned his attention back to where Olivia knelt on the floor.

That's when she had to make a choice. Liv moved as quickly as she possibly could and shot up from where she was, the top of her head rammed into the man's chin and sent him stumbling backwards. With him distracted, Olivia ran as best she could towards her bedroom, in search of her own gun.

But just when she thought she would make it, the man came charging after her, grabbing her by her hair and pulling her straight down to the floor, letting go just in time to let Olivia's head slam against the ground. The sergeant felt herself black out for a moment, before returning to consciousness to see the man step away and try to help the woman control Noah, who's faced was streamed with tears and his voice hoarse from screaming for his mama.

Olivia turned herself over onto her stomach and began to carefully push her body off the ground. Though, as soon as she made even the smallest movement he was back next to her and this time his foot made contact with her ribs. He kicked her repeatedly until he could hear her ribs cracking.

"Ahhh." Liv screamed out in pain.

"That's what you get bitch." And he landed one more kick against her torso for good measure.

Liv rolled onto her back, little cries leaving her as the pain seared through her. She turned her head slowly and watched as the man grabbed Noah from the woman; the little boy flailed around, trying to free himself, but he had no luck.

"No… Ple… Please… Don't." Her breathe was labored and her voice much quieter than she hoped, but Liv begged anyway.

Both the man and woman turned around, just barely making out Olivia's pleas.

"Why the hell is she still able to talk?" The woman turned to look at her partner.

"Here take the damn kid back." He pawned the little boy off again. "Go to the car, I'll finish her off."

Olivia assumed that it was all over now, the gun the man carried would finally be used for something other than a threat and she was never going to see her son again.

However, he had different ideas. He forced Olivia onto her feet, she was barely able to stand up and her body hurt more than she could have imagined and the room around her spun. The man reached again for her hair and led her back towards the living room, Liv whimpering the whole time from pain and fear. He stopped where they had stood earlier.

The man leaned in, his mouth right next to Olivia's ear. As he spoke, she felt his hot breath against her. "You can say goodbye now."

With full control over her body, the man gripped as hard as he could to her head by her hair and smashed Olivia's head against the edge of the coffee table. He hit it twice, until Olivia felt herself losing the battle and the world around her going black. Now that she was taken care of, the man dropped her body onto the floor like it was nothing and casually walked out of the open door.

Rafael Barba knew it was nearing ten pm when he made his way up the elevator of the building, but he had just gotten word about another matter involving his most recent case with the SVU team and he had to get to Olivia to discuss it. She didn't need to walk into the squad room the next morning and have countless surprises thrown at her.

He walked down the hall of Liv's apartment, phone in his hand as he answered a last minute email. But as soon as he looked up, he stopped dead in his tracks.

Olivia's apartment door was wide open.

His senses were instantly on high alert and he was slow to make his way all the way to the open door, almost scared to see what he might walk into. It was Oliva for Christ sake, he thought, whatever had caused her to leave the door open to anyone and everyone was probably serious.

"Olivia?" Barba said her name out loud as he got closer to the door, hoping that maybe there would be a response and an explanation.

"Hey, Liv?" He spoke again before reaching the doorway.

When he finally stood in plain view of the apartment, he didn't notice anything at first. Nothing seemed out of place, but it was eerily silent. No TV noises or the giggle of a small child, the usual noises that drifted from the apartment when Barba had visited previously.

"Olivia? It's Rafael…"

And that's when he heard it, a small moan coming from near the coffee table to his left in the living rom.

At first he thought maybe he had imagined it. He was hoping so hard to find something or anything that would give him answers, maybe he had just imagined the noise. But when he walked in further, he noticed the sock-covered feet that stuck out from between the couch and table in the living room.

"Oh my god, Liv!" Rafael had made it far enough into the room to finally see that he hadn't simply imagined the noise, it had come from Olivia.

She was laying, there, helpless, and bleeding. Her body was limp, there were obvious bruises on her face, and a small puddle of blood next to her head, but he couldn't see exactly where it was coming from.

"Mmhhmm." She groaned, unable to speak at the sound of Barba's voice.

"Here, Olivia, I'm right here." Barba reached for her hand and Olivia, with very little strength, reached back and gave it a little squeeze.

"No…" Her voice was small and weak, but Barba couldn't miss it.

"What is it?"

"No… Noah." She could barely make out her own son's name because it took more strength than she had.

Barba looked puzzled for a second and then it dawned on him; the little boy was nowhere to be found. He wasn't crawling or walking around the living room, none of his toys were being played with, and his usual babbling couldn't be heard, not even a cry could be heard through the apartment.

"Noah, did someone take Noah?"

She couldn't muster enough energy to give him a spoken answer, but she nodded her head just enough to let Barba know his assumption had been correct.

Barba held onto her hand a little tighter. "We're going to get him back Liv. We will."

With his free hand he grabbed his cell phone and speed dialed nine-one-one. They weren't going to get the little boy back if the only witness to the crime didn't make it long enough to tell about it.

_*** Keep all the reviews coming please! They are much appreciated. ***_


	3. Chapter 3

Rafael Barba kept his eyes on the flashing red and blue lights, following the sound of the sirens in front of him. His only focus was moving at the same pace as the ambulance and hoping to avoid being pulled over for pushing his car to move faster than ninety miles an hour.

When EMS had arrived at the apartment, Olivia had lost all consciousness and Barba was pacing the living room floor, wringing his hands together, desperate for help to arrive. He felt like the longer she laid there, the faster Liv seemed to fade away. By the time the paramedics rolled Olivia out on the stretcher, Rafael could barely hold himself together. There was something about his relationship with Liv, they had never been involved, but they had shared more horrible times than most couples did in their whole relationships. He cared about her, probably more than he would ever admit.

As Barba replayed the events in his head, he had pulled into the parking lot and stopped the car without even realizing it. He was on autopilot immediately, almost running directly from his car to the emergency room entrance, but he was stopped before getting through the ward doors.

"Sir, you can't go back there." A nurse in light blue scrubs stepped in front of the moving DA.

"But... Umm..." He couldn't even form a sentence. "The woman... The woman that was just brought in, I need to know how she is."

"Okay, I can help you with that." The nurse led Barba back to the front desk. "What is her name?"

"Olivia... Uhh… Benson."

The nurse typed the name into the computer and the look on her face said it all. "They've already taken her into surgery. I'll let you know when I have some more information."

And that was all the Rafael heard for the next two hours. He sat in the waiting room, fidgeting in his seat, he walked up and down the hallway, nothing could calm his nerves. It was odd; he had never really cared so much about what happened to someone else.

The ringing of his cell phone finally brought Barba back to reality.

"Barba." He answered without even looking at the caller ID.

_"Please tell me you went with her to the hospital." _It was Nick, sounding almost as panicked as Barba felt.

"Of course I did." He couldn't believe that Nick would think he would simply leave after finding Olivia.

_"How is she?" _

"I haven't heard anything yet. She went into surgery right away and nobody knows anything else."

After a quick conversation with Barba, Nick hung up his phone, shoved it in his jacket pocket, and walked into the apartment building. He couldn't help but wonder how many times he was going to have to visit Olivia's apartment as a crime scene, it had been too many times already.

Amanda, Fin, and Carisi were already inside, looking for anything and everything that could possibly lead them to the people who beat Liv and took Noah, but they were coming up empty handed. The only evidence in the apartment belonged to Olivia, the blood on the floor, the chunks of pulled put dark brown hair, it was all just evidence of the torture she went through, not who put her though it.

"There's nothing in here." Amanda let out a frustrated sigh. "These people were good, no fingerprints, no shoe prints."

"I just don't get what anyone would have wanted with Liv and Noah." Fin said.

"I sure as hell hope the security cameras outside got something then or we're going to be completely screwed." Nick hated to be the pessimist, but with no physical evidence there wasn't much of anything for the team to work with.

The four detectives stood in silence for a while, letting it all sink in. They had done it all before, but it never got easier.

"Hey detectives." They turned to see one of the patrol officers who was guarding the crime scene standing in the doorway. "I have a girl here who claims she saw someone with the little boy."

Nick and Amanda left the apartment to talk to the witness, leaving Fin and Carisi to finish up with CSU and see if there wasn't even just the smallest thing that would help them find whoever did this.

The girl the officer had been talking about was waiting outside the crime scene tape, obviously anxious.

"I'm Detective Amaro, this is Detective Rollins. The officer said you saw someone with Noah."

The girl nodded. "Yeah, when I got home earlier; I was… I was walking up the stairs when I saw woman holding a baby. At first I didn't realize that it was Noah, but when I looked again I was almost certain."

"Do you know Liv and Noah? Are you sure it was him?" Amaro questioned.

"Yeah I know them. I live down the hall and when Olivia can't get a hold of Lucy quick enough or if she doesn't want to bother her, she asks me to babysit Noah. I know for sure that it was him."

"Who would want to do this to Olivia and Noah?" The young girl couldn't understand.

"We don't know. That's what we're trying to figure out." Nick said to her.

"Okay, sweetie, do you think you could describe the woman who had Noah to one of our sketch artists at the precinct?" Amanda asked her, bringing them back to the reason they were talking to the teenager in the first place.

"Umm… Yeah, I think I could." The girl sounded pretty sure of her memory of the woman.

"Good, then we'll have one of our officers give you a ride there." Amaro waved over the officer he had talked to earlier.

But before the officer and the girl could make their way to the elevator to meet another officer downstairs, the girl turned back around to face the detectives. "There was a man too. I didn't see him with the woman, but when I ran into him in the hall, I had a weird vibe about him and I think there might have been blood on his shirt."

Olivia's blood, Nick thought. "Look, if you can remember his face too, have the sketch artist work up a picture of him."

"Thank you." Amanda told her and the officer took the girl into the elevator.

The two detectives walked back into the apartment, where the crime scene techs were packing up their equipment.

"Did you get anything useful?" Fin asked.

"The girl says she saw a woman with Noah when she got home today and then a man that may have had blood on his shirt, we sent her to the precinct to get a sketch of them." Nick filled him in.

"Well it might be start. It's more than we found in here." Carisi commented.

It was more than Barba had at the hospital, too. It was going on four hours now and Rafael was done waiting to hear about Olivia. Someone had to know something.

He stood in front of the nurses' station, waiting for the person sitting there to acknowledge his presence.

"There still isn't anything in the chart, sir."

"It's been over three hours, how has nothing been updated?" Barba knew that he sounded harsher than he had intended, but he was too preoccupied to care.

"I promise you, as soon as something comes up I'll let you know, but for now there isn't anything I can tell you." The nurse seemed genuinely sorry, but there was nothing she could do for Barba.

Rafael took a seat again, crossing and uncrossing, then re-crossing his legs, he was so anxious had hadn't stopped moving since he had arrived. And he hadn't heard anything from the detectives, either. He figured that they had already been in and out of the apartment, but there was no word from any of them.

"Barba." He looked up to see the whole squad walking towards him, Nick having called his name.

"Thanks for keeping me in the loop." Barba scoffed.

"There wasn't much to tell you; we have a witness at the precinct helping to get a sketch and there was no evidence in the apartment, we don't have much to go on right now." Amanda said to the upset attorney.

"And you haven't heard anything more about Liv?" Carisi looked at Barba for an answer.

"No, nothing." Rafael answered. "They keep saying they'll tell me if they get any news, but it's been nearly four hours and no one knows anything."

Before anybody else got a word in, an older doctor wearing a surgical cap and trauma gown walked into the waiting room. "Is there anyone here for Olivia Benson?"

All four detectives and Barba walked up to him. "We're all here for her." Barba told him.

"Wow… okay. Let's go somewhere a little more private." The doctor walked away from the open waiting room and down a hallway, stopping when he felt he was out of earshot of any other people. "You're not all family are you?"

"We work with Olivia. She's an NYPD sergeant and now part of an investigation." Nick informed him, knowing the doctor was worried about disclosing private information.

"Okay. In that case, Ms. Benson, is still critical. We took her into surgery right away when she got in. There's some swelling in her brain from all the blows she took, she has three broken ribs, and one of her lungs is partially collapsed from the trauma to her torso."

"So what does that all mean?" Fin questioned the doctor.

"It means we don't know much yet. She's stable for now, but we have her sedated for pain management. We have to keep a close watch on her for the next few days, with all the injuries she's endured, there is always a possibility that something will arise that we missed. It's hard to say how well she'll make it out of all of this yet."

"But she's going to live?" Barba clarified.

"It's all a bit premature to predict anything right now." The doctor sounded uncertain of Olivia's condition, the last thing any of them wanted to hear.

_*** Keep all the awesome reviews coming! ***_


	4. Chapter 4

"Here are the sketches." Nick held up the two pieces of paper that held the only little bit of evidence that the team had to try and find the person who had beaten their sergeant and taken her son.

He pinned them up on the on the board that held all the other evidence they had at that moment, which wasn't much. TARU had the security camera footage from the hallway trying to cut down the hours long video to pin point about the time that the attack would have taken place. Besides the sketches that Nick had just added, there were also the crime scene photos, but with no physical evidence from the scene the pictures were simply a reminder of the horrific fight that had taken place in Olivia's apartment.

Carisi got up from his desk and took a quick glance at the drawings. "What is this picture going to help us with?" He pointed to the one of the supposed male attacker. "He looks like every guy I've ever seen with a beard."

"Well it's not like we have anything else to go off of right now, so it better do us some good." Amanda shot back. "Did you get the picture out to the media?"

Nick knew the question was directed at him and answered. "Yeah, all the major news stations and the papers have it already."

Fin, who had gotten up from his seat **to** inspect the pictures himself, couldn't take his eyes off the picture of the female assailant. "This woman, I've seen her before."

"You recognize her?" Amanda asked.

"Yeah, she looks really familiar." Fin stared at the woman's features. But it was her eyes; even on just a piece of paper, her eyes said more than they should. And Fin knew that he had looked into those eyes before. "Look up some of our old missing person's cases."

"How old?" Carisi already opened his laptop ready to search.

"The last ten years." Fin told him.

"Really, Fin? Ten Years?" Amanda questioned him. "I know that it's hard to remember everyone, but you must have had dozens of missing persons cases come through here in the last ten years."

"All I remember about her was that she was balling her eyes out when I saw her in here and usually that means a mom with a missing kid."

"You don't remember anything else?" Nick sighed.

"I don't think the kid was very old. Like it wasn't one of our rape victims or anything that had been taken, it was just a missing kid." Fin felt pretty sure he was recalling the right case, but after almost sixteen years it was hard to remember all the horrific things that came in to the 1-6.

After nearly an hour of searching through cases, the team still had nearly twenty five possible cases the woman could have been involved in according to Fin. And while they were getting closer to having something solid to follow up on, nothing seemed to be happening fast enough. They were all exhausted and as it neared the end of the day, all of them were starting to lose hope in their day's search.

"I'm going to call Barba and see if he's heard anything about Liv." Nick stood up and walked out of the squad room to somewhere more private.

The phone rang a few times before the D.A. picked up. "_Barba." _

When they got off the phone with each other, neither Barba or Nick felt much better about the situations that they were absent from. And as much as Nick wanted to join Barba, the attorney had assured him that his time was better spent investigating.

But Barba felt like he wasn't really doing much to help anyone. He had been allowed in Liv's room because of the circumstances and the doctors felt that a familiar face in the room would be a good thing. Although, there wasn't much recognition, as Olivia laid in bed still asleep from her surgery and the other mdications she had been given.

The same doctor who had given the team very little hope about Olivia's condition came into the room a little while later. "I'm just checking on her medication. We're lowering her sedation, so if she wakes up just be aware that she'll be very confused and probably in a lot of pain. It would be best if you would call one of the nurses or myself right away."

"So she is going to wake up?" Barba asked as nicely as he could, but he was still irritated with the early prognoses that the doctor had given out.

"We're pretty confident." The doctor told him and it only angered Barba more. The man just a few hours before had seemed to think that Olivia may never come back to them and now she was going to wake up, with everything alright.

Nothing more was said between the attorney and doctor, as Barba wasn't sure that he could hide his annoyance for very much longer if he tried to speak, before the man left the room.

The day dwindled away as Barba sat in a chair next to Olivia's bed. The process of her waking up was taking a much longer than he had expected. There had been some movements, but nothing substantial had happened.

As Rafael answered a few emails that had added up, as he hadn't checked his phone all day, he heard a small moan leave the bed. He looked up to see Olivia's head turned towards him. Her eyes were shut, but the noise had certainly come from her.

"Bar..." Liv spoke softly and couldn't complete her whole sentence.

Rafael stood up quickly and stood as close as he could to Olivia. "I'm right here, Liv."

"Raf..." She tried for his first name but didn't have any better luck finishing her words.

"Take it easy. It's okay Liv." Barba watched as she opened her eyes a little more and he looked directly in them, seeing the uncertainty she must have felt.

"Where... Where am..." The weakness of her voice was evident.

"We're in the hospital Liv." Barba spoke gently and held tightly to Olivia's hand, assuring her that he was there.

As her eyes began to open more, he saw them flutter around the room, taking in the unfamiliar surroundings that were her hospital room. "Why... What hap..."

Barba sighed, not wanting to break the news to her about what had happened. "You were attacked in your apartment, Liv."

He saw it as soon as the words left her mouth. The recognition became apparent as her eyes that had just barely opened, became large and terror filled. Her breathing became heavy and she seemed panicked.

"Okay, Liv you have to calm down." Barba watched as she struggled to contain her emotions.

"No... No..." The lump in her throat threatened to allow her tears to spill over. "They... No... Noah..."

That was what he had been worried about. He knew that as soon as she remembered what had happened, she would remember too, that her son had been taken. And that was not what Olivia needed; she didn't need to have that hanging over her as she lay helpless in a hospital bed.

"Liv it's okay. The team, they're doing everything they can to find him and they will find him."

But Barba knew he shouldn't guarantee her anything when nothing was looking hopeful from the eyes of the detectives. And as much as he just wanted to assure to Liv that everything would turn out as it should, it would all be that much worse if what happened was every parent's nightmare.

"Ple... Ple..." But as Olivia attempted to speak again, her breathing became labored, her body stiffened, and her eyes rolled back, showing just the whites that were so startling to the DA.

Barba watched the horror playing on his face as he watched the woman begin to convulse, her whole body shaking, flailing around the hospital bed.

"Help! Somebody!" Barba screamed without even thinking about it. He was too stunned to realize that he was yelling for help, before a nurse came running into the room.

What seemed like hours of watching her shake was only mere seconds and soon the room filled with medical personal, monitors beeped, people spoke over one and other, chaos consumed the once quiet, depressing hospital room.

As Barba stared at the mess in front of him, he felt an unfamiliar hand in his shoulder. "Sir, I need to ask you to leave." It was one of the many nurses that had stormed the scene that had once been Liv's room.

"No, what is wrong with her?" Barba stood his ground, not moving from where he stood.

"Someone will tell you later, but right now you have to let us take care of your wife."

Rafael stopped for a moment, registering what the nurse had said. He hadn't realized how personal his reaction seemed. It wasn't that he didn't care about the sergeant, but he hadn't spent more than a couple evenings at her apartment running through cases or eating Chinese take-out with the rest of the team when they had late nights. Now here he was, the only person there for, panicking as she was taken away from him; he couldn't figure out how all of a sudden Liv became his only worry. "I don't… She's not…"

But his sentence was interrupted by the whirlwind of people who rushed past him; Olivia's limp body lying in her bed was in the middle of everyone, being pushed quickly out the door and away from Rafael's view. He stood in the room, the nurse still standing next to him, and couldn't move, his fear of what would happen to Olivia paralyzing him.

_*** Reviews, please! No reviews basically means no new chapter, I want to know that you guys still are into this story. * **_


	5. Chapter 5

The minutes turned into hours incredibly slowly and incredibly quickly all at the same time. Nurses and doctors passed by him repeatedly as he found himself again in the waiting room, wringing his hands, and surviving off the little bit of hope he had. But Rafael Barba was dwindling fast as he hadn't been home, or anywhere else but the hospital, in nearly twenty four hours.

"Sir, can I get you anything?" A nurse, who had been watching the man come and go from the waiting room all day during her shift, quietly approached the DA.

Rafael gave her a small smile, a gesture of his appreciation for her concern. "Unless you can tell me anything new, I'm fine. Thank you."

The young women nodded, not admitting out loud that she knew nothing more of Olivia's condition and walked away. The attorney watched her disappear again behind the nurses' station, as he leaned back in his chair, resting his head against the wall behind him, and letting an exhausted, worry filled sigh escape him. He felt so surrounded by all the people and medical staff that roamed the halls, yet he was all alone at the same time, as he was the only person so overwrought about the woman he never realized he cared so much about.

However, he was soon joined by the company of Nick and Amanda, who came bolting into the intensive care unit waiting room, looking like they were on a mission to locate what they needed.

"Barba." Amanda swiftly stood in front of where the man sat in his chair. "We have to talk to Liv."

Barba looked up and laughed at her. It wasn't that he thought the reason she couldn't talk to Liv was funny, but that Amanda just assumed that she could talk to her sergeant, she hadn't seen any of the horrors that were Liv's condition. "I wish you the best of luck talking to her any time soon."

"What are you talking about? You texted me and said that the doctor was working on waking her up." Nick sounded almost mad.

"Yeah, but I texted you almost three hours ago." Barba reminded him. "A lot changes in that amount of time when someone has a seizure and is rushed into the OR."

'Wait, what?" Amanda had a wide eyed look on her face.

"She woke up and started talking to me and all she could remember was Noah being gone and then… she just… it all happened so fast." Rafael could feel himself getting worked up. "I haven't heard anything yet about what's happening, but I can tell you that she probably won't be recognizing anyone from any pictures or anything else any time soon."

Nick and Amanda both fell into seats next to Barba. The defeat they felt was evident in their faces and the way they slumped over in their chairs. All they had to go on for basically their whole investigation was the hope that Olivia would have a better recall of the case than Fin had and that she would be able to identify who the faces on the sketches belonged to.

"I'm guessing this means you haven't found anything else?" Barba asked the question, even though he had a pretty good idea of what the answer must have been.

"Absolutely nothing." Amanda answered because Nick had gotten up from his seat to answer a phone call. "I just don't understand how they got away with what they did without leaving some kind of evidence. It's dumb business going after a cop and her child, how were they smart enough to leave no prints or hairs or anything that would put them at the scene?"

"Well they obviously can't be that dumb." Barba pointed out.

Nick approached them brusquely. "Amanda we have to go. Now."

"Why? What's wrong?" The blonde detective stood up from the chair she had been occupying.

"That was Fin I was talking to. He said they had a hit in facial recognition for the sketch. The same woman had been reported stealing diapers and bottles from a store. Carisi tracked her down and got her address."

Without any more than a "we'll call you later" the two detectives left the hospital quicker than they had arrived, off to search for the people that had given them a reason to be at the hospital in the first place.

The sirens blared as Nick drove nearly twice as fast as the speed limit allowed; Amanda sat in the passenger seat. Both of them, although focused on the task at hand, were distracted with their own thoughts of what they may be getting themselves into. It was bad enough for them to know that their sergeant was helplessly lying in a hospital bed unconscious, but to also know that there was a chance that her son would be harmed as well had them worried of what may be hiding behind the walls of the home they were about to invade.

When Nick came to a screeching halt in front of the modest home, he turned to look at Amanda. "Whatever we see in here, no matter what she asks, we don't tell Liv right away. I know she'll find out eventually, but she doesn't need to know where her son was while she laid in a bed somewhere else."

"I know, Nick, okay? I'm not going to be the one to tell her what happened." Amanda knew that Nick was more scared of what the outcome would be for Liv and Noah than he was willing to show.

The two said nothing more and they both got out of the car retrieved their Kevlar vests, and made their way to where Fin stood with the swat team.

"There are cars in the driveway and a light on in the living room." Fin told them knowing that they would know that meant there was a chance that the couple wasn't as smart as they had thought and had made the mistake of simply returning home.

"Alright. Let's get some of you at the back, covering any exits there may be and the rest of you follow us in through the front." Nick directed the swat team as he had done times before.

But as soon as Nick took his place behind Fin, who was ready to break the door down, his phone began to ring.

Barba paced the waiting room floor, his phone against his ear, listening to the continuous ringing as he hoped for an answer. He knew that the team was probably in the middle of trying to take care of whatever or whomever they were going to find, but he had to talk to someone.

In the time after Amanda and Nick had left, Olivia's doctor had come to find and talk to the DA. With an update as to what was happening with Liv, Rafael found himself in desperate need of talking to Nick or one of the team members.

Yet, as the phone rang and rang he got no answer and he knew that he probably wouldn't catch them in time before they had done their job in invading the house that supposedly belonged to the suspect. After finally getting the voice message from Nick's phone, Barba hung up and left the waiting room, knowing that there probably wouldn't be an answer from anyone else either.

He soon found himself standing again in front of Olivia's room, the door separating him from where he stood in the hallway and the all-white room on the other side. _"You can do this Rafael. Just walk in there." _He told himself this, but couldn't seem to make himself also believe it. What was on the other side of that door could be good or it could be horribly bad. It was hard for him to predict what would happen when he crossed over into the room that he previously been the site of Liv's and his own falling apart. _"You have to do this. She needs you to do this." _He grabbed the door knob and slowly turned it.

Nick waited until the ringing of his phone ceased before he brought himself back into the task of overtaking the home they sat so quietly in front of.

Fin looked back at his fellow detectives and the other men who were his back up. He held up three fingers, then two, and finally one, signaling to himself and everyone else that he was moving in.

Nick and Amanda watched, almost like it was happening in slow motion. They hadn't had any way of discovering who had taken Noah just a few hours before and now they were forcing their way into the house of the people that were possibly responsible for the kidnapping of a little boy and the beating of his mother.

"NYPD, we're coming in!" Fin yelled the all too familiar phrase and his foot met the door so hard that it exploded open, stray pieces of wood flying onto the front porch and into the now exposed entryway of the home.

Fin, as he was in the front of the group, was the first to enter. He swung his gun around in front of him as he made sure there was no one lurking in the front of the house. When he was sure that it was clear, he gestured for Nick and Amanda to follow him in, along with all the other armed men.

All three of them kept close to each other as they walked through the entryway. The kept in the same pace, one right after the other into the first room they came to.

And that's when they all felt the air leave the room and the silence that had been so quiet now seemed louder than ever as their eyes met the horrors of that small living room.

The three shocked detectives looked at each other. No one said a word as they took in their surroundings, all of them too stunned to react.

_*** Reviews, reviews, reviews! Let me know what you think! * **_


	6. Chapter 6

_*** Thank you for all the reviews and support! I have a few ideas of where I want to take this story and am really excited for all of you to continue reading. * **_

He let the door swing slowly open, revealing the same room he had occupied only hours earlier. This time though, he wasn't looking at an unconscious women lying in a bed, in so much pain and discomfort that she had to be sedated. It wasn't a matter of whether or not Olivia would wake up or whether she would remember the horrific events that had taken place in her apartment or whether the first questions out of her mouth would be in regard to her son.

No, this time all of those were expected.

When the doctor had come back to find Barba in the waiting room, he had finally explained to him what had happened. Liv did have a seizure, but when they had gotten to the operating room, where the doctor assumed he would have to go in to take care of the swelling in her brain that had been found earlier, he was instead surprised when Olivia came to. She was rather confused, but seemed to be stable all of a sudden. The doctor said that they had to change her medications and stabilize all of her blood pressure, heart rate, and glucose levels. Basically, the doctor seemed to think it was almost a miracle that she was suddenly doing so well. And it was calming to know that Olivia had woken up and would not forever be confined to a hospital bed, but Rafael knew exactly what Liv would be asking about and he wasn't ready to admit they still hadn't located her poor little boy.

"Rafael." She said his first name like it was the most normal thing she had ever done. But it wasn't, she didn't use his first name, ever.

He stood a few feet away from the bed still. "How are you feeling, Liv."

"I…umm…I don't really know…" It was the best answer she could give him. She was still a little confused and worried and trying to make sense of all that had happened in the time that she had been unconscious.

"Well I'm just glad to see you awake and talking. I was worried I may never get to see you take down another criminal." He tried his best to make a joke that would lighten the tension that was in the room. A tension not between him and Olivia, but between the need to know what was happening and the lack of want to tell what was happening.

"Umm... Where..." Liv ignored the joke and she was obviously getting ready to ask the all dreaded question. "Did they... Did they find Noah?"

Rafael noticed then how small and quiet her voice was; how much it sounded like the pain she was feeling both physically and emotionally. She still did not sound like the Olivia Benson who was never questioned or who held authority or who when she walked into a room, was immediately listened to and he didn't imagine that she would be back to normal for some time. But he also had to consider how much it meant just to be talking to her at all after all that had happened.

"They think they found the house of the woman, but I haven't heard anything else." Barba admitted.

Liv's face dropped. "But... they... they know he's there?"

He shook his head. "I don't think they did. It was just a hope that the man and woman were home and would have Noah with them." He hated to have to tell her that no one knew anything for sure about her son. "I'm so sorry Liv."

"It's... uhh... it's not your fault." There was a quiver in her words, the tears that filled her eyes threatened to spill down her face, revealing just how desperate she was to have her little boy back. She could care less in that moment if she would be okay or if she was unharmed; all she wanted was for Noah to be safely with herself or anybody from the team who would protect him.

Rafael finally came closer to Olivia and leaned down over the railing of the bed, his eyes meeting hers. "I know that all of this is more hell than you deserve and that Noah means more to you than I will probably ever understand, but Nick, Fin, Amanda, and even Carisi, are doing every single thing they can for Noah."

The attorney could see the woman dwindling fast. She still looked upset about what she was told, but her body was still weak and she seemed to be giving into the exhaustion that was overcoming her. Within minutes Liv was fast asleep, a frown covering her face, even in her sleep. Rafael sat down in the chair he had occupied before and followed suit, falling asleep, although his head was filled with doubt and worry and a guilt that wouldn't go away until a certain little boy was brought back to his mother.

Nick, Amanda, and Fin stood among themselves, taking in the surroundings that were the crazy couple's living room. To think they had thought it was possible that the attack had been somewhat random, now there was no possibility that any of what had happened in that apartment had been random.

"What the hell is all of this? How does someone get all of these?" Fin was taken aback and shocked that someone could do something like this without being noticed.

Nick sighed. "I don't get why the hell they need all of this. What did they have against Olivia?"

"I've never felt so violated and this doesn't even have anything to do with me." Amanda stared at the walls of the room.

Every wall and table was covered. They were covered with photos of Olivia, some of her at the precinct, some at home, some when she was simply running errands, but they were mostly pictures of Liv and Noah. It was their time in the park or walking down the street or even when Olivia had taken Noah to his doctor's appointments. All of it was an invasion of privacy and not possibly understandable that a cop hadn't noticed anyone following her through almost every day of her life in the past few years.

"There are pictures of literally everything. How they hell did they do this without getting noticed?" Nick looked between the other two detectives.

"And for it to be Liv. She's on high alert all the time, she knows when something is up, how did this slip past her. Or how did it get past all of us, we're with her more than anyone else. We should have noticed." Amanda made a valid point. Not that the team should blame themselves for missing out on these two people who had obviously been stalking their sergeant, but how, when they are with Liv at least five days a week, twelve hours a day, did they not catch on to someone following her every move.

All of a sudden they heard a cry ring out from another room in the house. And it most certainly belonged to a baby, a cry that even for a little one seemed desperate.

"Split up and find where that's coming from." Fin, Nick, and Amanda went in separate directions, all in hunt of the room holding who they hoped would be Noah.

Amanda kept her back against the wall as she took the stairs one step at a time, her gun strategically placed in front of her. When she got to the top of the staircase she turned around both directions to make sure no one had been behind her or on either side of her. It was an empty hallway, three doors in front of her. And then she heard it again, a cry, but this time it seemed quieter and followed by other sounds she couldn't quite make out. But she could however, tell that the noise was coming from in front of her. The door directly at the end of the hallway, that's where it had sounded like it had come from.

When her hand touched the doorknob, ready to push her way into the room, Amanda felt the presence behind and she knew even before she turned to make eye contact with him that it was Nick. And with him following closely behind, she opened the door.

Behind that door was the woman they had been looking for, a distressed look on her face as the crying seemed to magnify ten times now that Nick and Amanda were in the room. There was a crib and a rocking chair, along with a few other pieces of furniture. The man and woman had obviously been prepared to bring a baby home.

"NYPD. Put your hands up and walk away from the crib." Amanda pointed her gun directly at the woman.

"No, no you can't hurt them." She begged the detectives.

Fin had appeared with a few of the men from the swat team and he was quick to lose patience with the woman. "Oh yeah because taking a child from his mother isn't hurting him." Fin scoffed and pushed past everyone to grab the woman's hands, pull them behind her back, and cuff her. He appeared to be more upset about what was happening than he had led onto earlier.

Nick and Amanda moved immediately to the crib. In the heat of the moment that hadn't noticed until then that the crying they had heard earlier was now much less, but the coughing and wheezing sounds coming from the crib had taken over the room.

It was poor little Noah, lying in the crib, seeming to be unharmed, but suffering from what the detectives assumed was an asthma attack.

All the attention was on Noah and Nick went to pick him up, planning on taking him quickly out of the house, to his car, but that was when Amanda noticed. How they hadn't seen it before, she wasn't quite sure. She leaned over the side of the crib and gently, scooped up into her arms another baby that had been sharing the small space of the crib with Noah.

This baby was much smaller than Noah, probably not more than a few months old, and was wearing a pink outfit, so Amanda assumed she was a girl. She was calm in Amanda's arms and appeared to be rather unfazed by everything going on around her.

Nick had watched as she brought the baby out of the crib and stared in awe at the tiny human in Amanda's arms for a while, before he spoke over Noah's screams and coughs. "Is she… is she okay?"

Amanda looked down at the sweet infant and then back at Nick. "I think she is." But what were they going to do now with another stolen baby?

_*** Reviews, please! * **_


	7. Chapter 7

_*** This took a lot longer than I had expected, but here's a new chapter. * **_

"You know you're looking at fifteen years or more and last time I checked child predators aren't treated very well in prison."

Nick and Fin had spent nearly four hours trying to locate the husband after taking the woman into custody. Amanda had accompanied Noah and the baby girl to the hospital. Meanwhile, Fin and Nick had spent their time in an interrogation room with the big, bearded man that had been the accomplice of the woman, who in the end had been caught trying to cross a toll bridge.

"I didn't do anything it was all that bitch you have." The bearded man sat back in his seat, calm and cool, like he hadn't done anything.

Fin scoffed. "Oh yeah, because I'm sure our sergeant won't be able to tell us that you were the man who broke her ribs, gave her a concussion, or left her in the hospital for the last three days."

He didn't say anything back and a look of defeat crossed his face. In that moment the detectives realized that the man had thought she was dead, he hadn't expected that after all the injuries he had inflicted, Olivia would have survived.

"You're telling me that she's still alive?" He asked.

Nick just chuckled. "Wow... Well I'm glad you didn't do anything to her then."

Nick shoved the man up from his seat, read him his rights, and walked to the holding cell where he would be picked up later and arraigned. It always the dumbest ones that thought they could get away with so much.

"Hey can you hold it down here for a while?" Nick looked at Carisis and Fin who were sitting at their desks, laptops open, as he returned from shutting the doors on their latest arrests.

Fin looked up at him. "We're good. Go see Liv, tell her we caught them and that she needs to get better quick so we're not stuck with a sub captain forever."

"Yeah I'll make sure she knows that she needs to get better for our sakes." Nick joked with the other detective. "But thanks, I'll let you know how she and Noah are."

But when Nick arrived at the hospital nearly half an hour later, having stopped for coffee for himself and Barba, there wasn't much time to talk to Olivia. The morning had just rolled around and she was being taken from her room to get another MRI and a head CT and a few other tests to check on her healing progress and to determine when she would finally be allowed to go home. But the mom was much more worried about getting to visit her son. She knew only what Barba had told her the night before after talking to Nick and that was that Noah had been found, he had been brought to Mercy, the same hospital as Liv, and neither Rafael nor Olivia knew any more than those two not very comforting facts.

"She's not going to last very long going through all of this without seeing Noah." Nick spoke to Rafael outside of Olivia's room, as more procedures were being done. "Have you seen Noah?"

Barba only wished he had seen Noah since he had been brought to the hospital. He wasn't always fond of children, but Noah had a something special about him that grasped at the attorney and to have known more about her son, would have been rather nice for Liv. "They wouldn't let me see him last night when I went down to pediatric ICU. The nurses said they thought he was doing fine, but that there were precautions and things they were trying to take with him. So that's all I know, nothing more than you do."

"Maybe I should see if I can find anything new out." Nick made the suggestion, but had a feeling that as only a colleague of Olivia, he wouldn't have any more pull than Barba when it came to getting information.

But neither of the guys moved from where they stood. As much as both of them cared about Noah, they also knew that he was in much better shape than his mother when he had been brought in and he was probably in good hands in the pediatric unit.

As another hour dwindled down, Rafael and Nick still were waiting outside of Olivia's room and as the hour neared its close, they were finally given permission to join Liv in her room.

"Nick." Olivia was, actually, happy to see another familiar face and she also assumed that since Nick was finally able to spend time at the hospital that it meant the team had possibly closed their investigation.

"How are you feeling, Liv?" The male detective stood closer to the bed.

"I'm okay." She answered, but both Barba and Nick could hear the pain that she would never admit she was feeling in her voice. It was quiet and strained. "Have either of you seen Noah?"

The inevitable question they both should have been expecting. But neither had the answer she was hoping for.

"Not yet, Liv. Did they say anything to you about getting to go see him?" Barba asked.

Liv nodded. "I can, but the doctors were waiting to hear about him and whether or not they would let us in to see him."

Rafael and Nick stayed with Olivia for a couple more hours as they waited to hear about Noah. Liv slept for a little while; there was another coffee trip, and a few visits from nurses checking on their patient. When they had been waiting for almost three hours, the doctor from the pediatric unit finally came to see Olivia and discuss Noah's condition with her.

"He's been pretty stable in the last few hours. When they brought him in last night he was having a pretty severe asthma attack and we had to place him on oxygen to get him breathing normally again. But we were able to take him off the oxygen this morning and he seems to be doing much better. As far as any other physical injuries, he has a few bruises and scratches, it's all superficial." The doctor explained to the mom and the men in her room.

"When will he get to go home?" Liv knew that he would get to leave before she would and that worried her, what was she going to do with her son while she stayed in the hospital?

"I would say in a couple of days. With his asthma, as you probably already know, there's a good chance he may suffer another attack and usually they happen within twenty four to forty eight hours, so just to be on the safe side we'll keep him over that period."

Olivia knew that it was good for her little boy to spend as little time as possible in the hospital, but she also didn't want him to get to go home and spend all of his time with Lucy, the babysitter, or anyone else who would be willing to watch him while she laid in her own hospital room.

"Can I see him?" All the worries needed to wait, Liv just wanted to see Noah.

"Of course. I'll let one of the nurses know and they can help you get down to pediatric floor." With her information given and a new task at hand, the doctor left the room.

In the next half an hour, Olivia was being pushed in her wheelchair, still not strong enough or allowed to walk, into the pediatric unit. There were tiny humans filling the room, each in their own small bed, many of them seemed much worse off than Noah had been described. The nurse pushed her towards the far side of the room, where Noah and a familiar blonde detective were waiting.

Liv ignored most of what was going on around her as soon as her eyes met Noah's. He was the only child in the unit sitting up in his bed, rather than lying down, which didn't surprise the mother; he wouldn't stay still or lay down for her, so he certainly wouldn't do it now for someone else. But she also found comfort in his defiance because he was obviously feeling better. And when he reached out towards her and happily spoke her name, or mama, his name for her, Olivia knew that he was going to be just fine.

"Hi Noah, hi baby." Olivia grabbed his hand and he giggles at her.

"Mama!" Noah squealed with excitement. Three days was a long time for a child to be without their mother and being stuck with a random couple, it was traumatizing for everyone involved.

There was a little bit of silence for a while as Noah and Liv finally got to spend time together. The other detectives and Barba watched, all relieved that the mom and son were back together without another outcome that could have been much worse.

As Noah wore himself out, Olivia turned to look at everyone else. "Amanda, were you here all night? You really didn't need to do that."

Amanda looked at Nick and Rafael, now understanding that there had been a few things they hadn't informed Liv of.

"I was..." The hesitation was obvious in her voice. She turned to look at Nick and whispered, "You never told her?"

Olivia watched the rather odd behavior of Amanda and Nick. "Okay, so obviously there's something I'm missing."

"Umm... Yeah. With everything that had happened, I just hadn't gotten to bring it up earlier." Nick explained.

"What wasn't brought up earlier then?" Olivia questioned.

Amanda looked at both men and then took into her own hands to fill Liv in. "When we found Noah last night, Noah wasn't the only child they had. They also had a little girl. She's only four weeks old."

"Is she alright?" Liv couldn't imagine having an infant stolen by some insane couple.

"The pediatrician said that she seemed a little malnourished, but other than that she seems to be healthy. They just wanted to keep her to observe her because she's so little other things may arise." Amanda told her sergeant.

"So I'm a little bit confused." Everyone knew that they weren't going to get away with hiding anything from Olivia. "Why didn't any of you say something before now about finding another baby with Noah?"

"It's not that we didn't want to say anything." Nick started. "It's just that when Fin and I were in the interrogation room with the woman, we asked her where she got the baby."

Liv just looked at him. "Well I assume you would ask her. That was the point of questioning her wasn't it?"

Nick continued. "And when she finally explained how she got the baby and who the man was that they got her from…" There was a long silence before the male detective finished his sentence. "Fin and I are almost sure that they got the baby from Johnny D."

_*** All of your reviews have been awesome, keep it up please! * **_


	8. Chapter 8

_*** This totally took longer than I was hoping, but I will try to keep the chapters coming a little faster now. Thanks for reading! * **_

A simple "Oh" was all the team got in response from Olivia after the news.

It had been a rough road with Johnny D. during the adoption process for Liv and Noah. The disgusting rapist and prostitute seller had found out just days before the adoption was set to be finalized that Noah was his son with Ellie Porter. Barba, Langan, and Judge Linden has assured Olivia that Johnny D. did not have to know about his son, but that didn't stop word from spreading and the sperm donor, as Fin referred to him, had decided to fight Olivia's right to adopt Noah. Of course, his efforts had been repulsed, he was sentenced to life in jail without parole, and Olivia got to finally be momma to Noah Benson. Though it was still a subject no one preferred to bring up with Liv.

The next day found Olivia back in the pediatric unit, herself in a seat between Noah's bed and the bed of the infant. Nick had accompanied her, after letting Barba go home and get some rest.

"So do you know for sure that Johnny D. is who sold this baby to that couple?"

"Yeah, we're almost positive." Nick answered.

"Wait." Olivia moved her eyes from where they had been resting on the little girl fast asleep and she made immediate eye contact with Nick. "Jonny D. is in prison. How was he supposed to have sold a baby to this couple from a jail cell?"

Nick was waiting for that question. "We were wondering the same thing. But the wife said that they met with Johnny D. almost nine months before they got the baby. She said he knew one of his whores was pregnant and that she would have a baby to give up. Neither the man or woman told us how they met him, but they said after their first meeting with him they started meeting with a different man to make their payments for the baby. We don't know who this other guy is, but he got them the baby so we figure he has to be related to Johnny D. somehow."

"Just when I thought we had gotten rid of this scum bag." All Olivia wanted was Johnny D. and his relation to Noah. "He just gets worse all the time. How did he get away with all of this right in front us?"

"Well it doesn't matter now. He's serving his sentence and he has no way of finding out that we have this baby." Nick understood Liv's reservations about any connection to Johnny D., but he had to help her believe that he wouldn't make another important aspect of Olivia's life even more complicated.

Olivia nodded in response to Nick, but she didn't know that she believed him. Johnny D. was at a point where it didn't matter who the kid belonged to, if he had anyway to use it as leverage or revenge against Liv, her team, or Barba, he would.

The day lingered on and still found Olivia in the pediatric ICU. She had gone back to her room and gotten some much needed rest and had met with her doctors to check on her progress. She had been cleared of the possibility of having a brain bleed. Her ribs were healing, but still extremely sore and tender. It had all been so much on Liv's body, both physically and mentally. She had been assaulted in her home before and to have it happen again brought some unwarranted side effects. However, Olivia would never let anyone know that she was struggling with some of her well managed PTSD. She would get through it; it may take a little extra time, but she would get through it again. After her exams, though, she had refused to stay in her bed any longer than she needed to. Being able to see Noah was the only thing keeping her sane. And, honestly, she wanted to keep an eye on the baby, too; she had no one else.

"I knew I would find you back here."

Liv looked up from the seat she occupied once more to lock eyes with Barba. The man was clad in his jeans and polo instead of his usual suit and tie.

"Where else would I be?" Olivia smirked at the man.

"How is the little man?" Rafael walked over to where Noah sat quietly in his bed. The little boy stared at him, cracking a small smile at the familiar face.

"He's good, seems to be back to himself." Liv said. "I think he's just as ready to go home as I am."

Rafael pulled the closet spare chair he could find up next to Olivia's. "How is she doing?" He turned to look at the small infant who was fast asleep.

"She's okay. They said some of her levels had dropped over night, but she's seems to be better this afternoon."

There were small holes in the sort of incubator crib they had the baby girl in; Barba reached gently through one of the holes and reaching a finger towards her hand. The infant immediately grasped his finger with her own small hand.

"Has the team been able to track down her real parents or anyone who claims her?" Rafael asked Liv, but didn't move his gaze from the little girl.

"Not yet. They were running her DNA, trying to find a parent, but they hadn't gotten the results back yet this morning. I just... I can't imagine someone just selling a baby." Olivia sighed.

"I will never understand how any of the assholes we deal with do what they do or why they do it. But the kids just really get me. How does anyone look into the face of a child and still do terrible things to them?"

Liv scoffed. "I have been asking myself that same question since I started."

"I just hope they find someone for her. She deserves a home and a family. She has the chance to have a normal life; she won't remember all that has happened." Rafael watched the baby's chest rise and fall as she took her breaths. And all he could think about was Noah. He had been so lucky to find a home and mother in Olivia and he would get to experience life as a completely normal child. That's what this little girl deserved too.

Liv was a little taken aback by Barba's reaction to the baby. He had never expressed even an ounce of interest in any children before; she didn't quite know what was so different about this one. "Hopefully something works out."

As the pair sat in the pediatric unit, both of them focused on the two children they were so worried about, Nick, followed by Rollins, came in through the automatic doors. Both of them looked rather uncertain.

"What are you both doing here?" Rafael asked.

"We got the DNA results back." Nick said matter-of-factly.

"So there was a hit?" Olivia questioned him hopefully.

Nick looked back to Rollins and then to Liv. But it was Amanda who spoke first. "There was a match for both parents. Do you remember that prostitute murder we worked on the east side where the woman had been stabbed and then had her throat slit?"

Olivia nodded, the case was still fresh in her mind. They had been given the case a little over a month earlier and they still didn't have a single suspect nor were they any closer to solving the case. It had been a brutal murder, a blood bath. The woman had been worked over before the assailant had stabbed her nearly thirty times and then taken the knife to her throat to finish her off. The crime scene had no fingerprints, no hair, no fibers, nothing that would lead them any closer to a solid suspect. And she was a prostitute, there was a list a mile long of people who could possibly have reason to attack her.

"Well she is most certainly the mother of that baby." Rollins announced.

"Wait, that's right." Liv began to recall. "Warner had mentioned that she thought the woman had recently given birth. So that would fit the timeline."

"You said you guys that you found both parents?" Barba urged.

"We did. And... I mean... We knew Johnny D. sold this couple that baby." Nick hesitated in his answer.

"Yeah, we knew that." Olivia sounded slightly annoyed.

Nick snuck another look at Amanda before he spoke. "The match for the baby's father was Johnny D."

"So you're sure that Johnny D. is her father?" Rafael always had to be absolutely positive.

"Completely sure, or at least Melinda told us that she was and she wouldn't get something like this wrong." Rollins assured them.

"Wait... Wait..." Olivia looked between both Noah and the infant. "This means..." But she stopped.

Rafael looked at Liv and then at her team, trying to see if they maybe knew what Olivia was thinking. "What does this mean, Liv?"

Olivia took a deep breath. "This means... This means that this baby is Noah's sister."

_*** Reviews, please! Let me know what you think. * **_


	9. Chapter 9

"Now Olivia I do have to ask that you take it rather careful. I see no signs that any of your injuries will relapse, but if you try to do too much too soon, there is a chance that we could see you in here again much sooner than you would like." The doctor, who had been monitoring Olivia's progress since she entered the hospital a little over a week ago, told both Liv and Nick as they awaited her release.

Although it was still a much longer stay than Olivia had hoped to experience in a hospital, to be leaving only a little over a week after she had been attacked surprised not only Barba and the team, but her doctor as well. They had expected it to be a much longer time after the serious injuries Liv has sustained, but where there was will there was a way and Olivia certainly had that will. With such a hatred for hospitals, the sergeant did everything she could to speed up her healing process and get out of the overly white, sterile building as soon as possible. It was also great motivation that Noah had been sent home three days earlier; the mom wanted nothing more than to be at home with her son.

"How long will it be before I will be cleared to go back to work?" Nothing would ever stop the commanding officer from worrying about her job.

The doctor sighed. "Let's not get too far ahead of ourselves. We'll take that one step at a time, for now you are staying home, taking it easy, and attending all of your follow up appointments. As time goes on and we see how your body handles recovery, we can give you a more exact answer."

It was not at all what was Liv was looking for, but she had assumed that the topic of work would be one that seemed less important than her getting back to normal and healing properly. And although she would have a hard time being kept away from the sixteenth precinct, she would take being able to go home to Noah, for now, as enough to get her through the days of recovery that lie ahead.

Almost half an hour after the discussion with the doctor, Olivia, very much to her dismay and with a large amount of protest, was being brought to Nick's car in a wheelchair pushed by the nurse she had during her stay. As Nick pulled the car up in front of them, Liv was more than thankful to get up out of the heinous, wheeling object and into the comfort of Nick's small SUV.

"I'm going to get you home first, but is there anything I can go pick up for you? Anything that you think you might need?" Nick kept his eyes facing forward as he pulled out from in front of the hospital.

Olivia thought for a moment before answering. "I think Lucy said she did a little shopping. We'll probably be fine; you don't need to go the trouble Nick."

"It's not any trouble Liv. I just want to help. You're going to have your hand full as it is." By hands full Nick was referring to Noah, but he was also referring to Olivia fighting the urge to go overboard, to do too much, to try and get back to her regular schedule too quickly. The detective was well aware of his former partner's traits and being patient was not one of her most virtuous ones.

"Really Nick, don't worry about it. I have Lucy to help me and I care more about you being in the squad room helping the others to keep things running the way we like it." Olivia was well aware that since she would not be able to return to work for a while there would be a new temporary commanding officer put in to take her place for a while.

"Well I'll do my best on that one for you." Nick understood Olivia's territorialism.

There was a moment of silence between the two, before Liv spoke up again. "Have you heard anything about Raegan yet?"

That, Olivia and the team had learned, was the name of the baby girl. Raegan Grace Hayes was her full name; after nearly three hours of searching Amanda had been able to pin down her birth certificate with name, date of birth, and the hospital where the baby had been delivered. And now with all that information there was something different about how Liv felt about the little girl; there was something about knowing her name and knowing that she was biologically related to her son, it changed everything.

"Amanda said that she was placed in an ACS facility because there was no other family that claimed her." Nick explained.

It sounded like another familiar story. When Noah had first been placed in his ACS home, it had been for the exact same reason, no family. There was no one to take in her sweet son, which did end up working in her favor, but for some other kids having no loved ones would only mean years spent being bounced from foster home to foster until the child became old enough to be set free from the cycle. Olivia had seen it and Olivia had wanted to stop more than once for more than one child she had come across in her cases.

As their ride home continued there was a shared silence. Nick knew that Olivia was thinking about other things and he respected it. The rest of their drive seemed faster in the quiet than it had as they talked to each other.

"Let me help you upstairs." Nick said to Olivia as he stood next to her while she got out of the passenger seat.

Olivia nodded and was soon being followed, closely behind, by the detective as she slowly made her way to her apartment. Her body still seemed weak and while she was feeling much better than she had, standing for too long made her dizzy and her legs began to feel like they might collapse under her weight. It would be some time before she was back to being one hundred percent.

Lucy, who had been waiting with Noah for Olivia to get home, was standing in doorway as they walked down the hallway. "Hey Liv." The young woman spoke softly and with sympathy.

Olivia gave her a small smile and Nick helped her past Lucy into the familiar home. Without even a second to notice the little boy, he had already turned to see who had just walked in, a large smile covering his face.

"Mama! Mama!" He squealed with delight, as his little legs moved him as quickly as they could to where Olivia stood. He ran straight into her legs, his hands gripping tightly around her calves.

Olivia couldn't help but chuckle at her son's behavior. She hadn't ever left him with anyone else for any longer than one night, so it was obvious the days at home alone had left him missing his mom. "Hi my sweet boy."

"Mama, up." Noah reached his chubby little hands upwards.

Nick swooped in quick and whisked Noah off the ground into his arms. The motion made the little boy giggle for a moment, before his hands were reaching sideways towards Olivia. "Let's let mama sit down and then you can see her."

Liv made her way to the couch, where Nick met her and set Noah down beside her. The little boy immediately snuggled into her, almost lying on top of her. Olivia tried to hide it, but it was hard to hide the tears that were welling up in her eyes. She hated that her career had led to what happened and that this time it wasn't just herself who was affected. It was something she had promised herself would not happen; even though none of it was exactly Liv's fault, she still felt completely guilty.

"I'm going to let you get settled" Nick told Liv. "Let me know if you guys need anything."

"Thanks for everything Nick." Liv gave him a genuine look of appreciation.

"Of course." Nick told her as he made his way back to the door he had just come through.

"Oh, Nick." The man turned around to the sound of his name. "If you hear anything new about Raegan will you let me know, please?"

"Yeah, sure thing Liv." Nick assured her. "When I talked to Judge Linden earlier she seemed upset about having nowhere to place the baby, if anything else comes up I'm sure she'll let us know."

Liv stopped for a moment before she realized what he had said. "Wait, it was Judge Linden that was placed on her case?"

"Umm, I thought I had already told you that, I'm sorry. But, yeah she took it right away when she heard that we had found the child." By we he meant the SVU team.

"I have to go see her." Olivia sounded all too serious.

"Liv, what do you need to see her for?" But as Nick saw the expression on Olivia's face he began to realize what she wanted. "Okay, I know you want to help her, but Liv you have so many things going on. Do you really think this is the best thing you can do?"

Olivia sighed. "I know it sounds ridiculous, but that little girl needs a home. She doesn't deserve to be left in some government facility or be stuck with multiple foster families. I mean, she's Noah's sister or half sister, whatever you want to call her, but she's his family. And I want to do what I can for her."

Lucy, who had been silently observing the conversation, stepped in a little closer, making herself feel like a part of the discussion. "Liv, you just got home. You can't even go back to work yet, do you really want to add on to all of that?"

"I want to help that baby." Olivia made her decision quite clear.

_*** There you have it. The story is certainly going to start moving towards some more Barson moments and Mama Benson times. As always, reviews are appreciated! * **_


	10. Chapter 10

"Do you really think that this is the best idea right now, Liv?" Barba helped the sergeant and mom down the hallway of the courthouse.

"How many times are all of you going to ask me that same question?" Olivia huffed at the district attorney. "I know that you all think it's a crazy decision, but I am doing what I can because I can."

Olivia had only been home from the hospital for a week, but she had insisted that she see Judge Linden as soon as she possibly could. The only thing on her mind since she had gotten home was her sweet little boy and the poor baby girl who had been left in an ACS home, all alone. Olivia had always had an affinity for children and knowing that not only did Noah spend time with the baby, but also that he was her brother made it mean even more. That was Noah's only biological family that he would probably ever know; she wanted him to have that.

Rafael sighed. He knew there was no arguing with Liv when she had her mind set on something and when she was always doing what she could to help others it didn't make it any easier.

"Look Liv… I don't want to question your decisions. You are an incredible mother to Noah and any child would be lucky to have you, but you've been through so much recently and we are all worried about you taking on too much."

Olivia knew that her team and, especially, Rafael, were only trying to look out for her, but there was just something about that little girl that had a feeling settled in her gut, a feeling that she just could not shake.

"Thanks for coming with me, though." Olivia told him.

When Liv has started the process with Noah, Trevor Langan had been there to help with some of the legal aspects of becoming his guardian because he had ties to Ellie Porter. So when the sergeant had realized that she was going to need the same support this time around, if everything worked as hoped, she turned to the one attorney she knew could and would help her. Rafael had been quick to say yes, as the DA himself had felt a little something with the baby girl the day he had met her in the hospital.

They promptly made their way to the end of the hallway and approached the closed door of Judge Linden's office.

"You know I wouldn't have let you do this alone." Barba smirked.

Liv wrapped gently on the door; they heard shuffling inside of the room and then the door opened to reveal a robed Judge Linden who looked as if she had been waiting for the sergeant and attorney to show up.

"Please come in." The judge stepped aside as she pulled the door completely open. With help from Barba, Olivia sat down in one of the chairs strategically placed in front of the judge's desk; Rafael sat down in the other chair.

Judge Linden moved to the opposite side of the desk and took a seat in her plush chair. Her eyes scanned both the man and woman; she was trying to assess their reasoning for needing to see her on such short notice. It was a phone call she hadn't been expecting. Her involvement with Olivia and Noah had ended as soon as Olivia was named Noah's mother, or so she had thought.

"Well Sergeant, Counselor, what can I do for the two of you?" Linden settled into her chair, looking quite comfortable in the overstuffed piece of furniture.

"You had a baby, Raegan Hayes, who you just placed in an ACS facility."

Linden nodded at Liv's statement. "Yes, that was just last week. What is SVU's interest in her?"

"Well…" Olivia hesitated for a moment. "It's not an interest from special victims. It's more of a personal interest."

"Ahh… I see." Judge Linden realized. "So what is this personal interest?"

Liv sighed. She came to the realization in that moment that she was basically asking the judge to have a baby. "When the team found the baby, she was with Noah."

"Yes, I heard about the case. I'm very sorry about what happened to you and Noah, but none of that was your fault. Nothing that happened effects the adoption."

"Oh… That's not what I was worried about. I mean I'm glad that no one is questioning Noah's placement." Olivia explained. "It's just that when our team was trying to locate a place for the baby when they first found her, we ran her DNA through the system."

"Yes, I knew that, but I there were no matches. That's why I got her case…" Linden said.

"Well there were no matches for people who could possibly become her legal guardian. There was a match to someone else."

"So who was this important match?" The judge asked.

"It's Noah. The baby is his sister, or at least his half sister." Olivia still was shocked by the words, even though they had left her mouth multiple times now.

Judge Linden took a moment before she answered. It didn't take a genius to see what the Sergeant turned mom was wanting with the baby. "I see. So am I thinking that you want something to do with this baby?"

"I guess it's that obvious isn't it?" Liv chuckled nervously at her behavior.

"Look, Olivia, I have no problem with you as a mother. As far as I am concerned you are one of my best foster parents and I am thrilled that your adoption of Noah was able to happen. But I also know that taking on Noah was hard enough with all that your job requires of you. To add another child, would be to add a lot extra responsibility at home. Is this something you really want to add on top of everything else?" Judge Linden brought up the exact same thoughts that the team and Barba had already brought up.

"Okay, here's the thing: I understand where all of you are coming from." Liv felt her emotions rising. "I get that all of this seems like a lot to add to my plate. And I understand that I will always have more than enough going on at work. But this baby needs a family. Noah is her only family as of right now. She has the right to know her brother and Noah has the right to know his sister. All I want is for some normalcy in both of their lives, for them to get to grow up together with the best opportunities they can. And maybe I don't have the best career to raise two children, but that doesn't mean that I don't want to try. I want to try; I want to help this baby."

The judge let out an extended sigh, before answering. "Alright, it's obvious that you heart is in this."

"It is. I promise you I want to make this work as best I can." Liv said.

"Well… Let me see what I can do about it." Judge Linden said. "I can't imagine there will be much of an issue seeing as you have already been through the process with Noah."

"Thank you." Olivia said in the most sincere way possible.

Rafael spoke up for the first time since they had arrived in the office. "Any of the legal aspects regarding Olivia or Reagan, I will be more than happy to handle all of them."

"Thank you, counselor. I will send anything if those matters to you directly." Judge Linden gave a small smile to the attorney.

Moments later Rafael and Olivia were walking out of the judge's office, both of them content with how the meeting had gone. Although, they hadn't been on quite the same page when they had entered the meeting, they were leaving with the same mindset.

"Really, though, thank you for being here. Your help means a lot." Olivia knew that Barba was reliable, but that had only been strengthened since he agreed to take on any legal issues with the baby.

Rafael gently helped her down the hallway, giving her his physical support. "Liv, we are all here for you. If you want to help this baby, then we want to help you."

The pair finished their excursion through the courthouse, making it back to Rafael's compact Lexus. They got in on their respective sides, but Barba made no move to start the car and Olivia simply watched as he sat in the driver's seat.

"Want to tell me what you are thinking so hard about?" Liv pressed the district attorney.

He let out one of his signature sighs; the one he would usually let out when he didn't want to share bad news about a case. "I just… When you were in the hospital and then Raegan was in the hospital… I guess I just sort of realized that besides my mother, I really have nobody else in my life. I mean nobody else that is really important to me."

The sensitive side of Rafael Barba was not one that Liv, or anyone else for that matter, saw very often, if at all. He was stoic, he was no emotions, he was very similar to Olivia in that way. She had always assumed that's why they got along so well, they understood each other and they respected each other.

"Rafael, you know that you're just as much a part of my team as anyone. But I get it; until Noah I felt the same way."

Barba made eye contact with Liv and then quickly looked away. "You know what, never mind. You don't want to listen to my problems. Let's just get you back home."

Just as he turned the key in the ignition, revving the engine of the car, he felt her touch, a gentle hand on his leg. "Rafael, if you ever want to talk, though, just know that I am willing to listen."

Rafael, with a small, appreciative smile crossing his face, nodded in response before he pulled out of his parking spot and headed in the direction of Olivia's apartment.

_*** There we go! Reviews as always, please. * **_


	11. Chapter 11

_*** Making more moves into Barson territory. I'm hoping to really get them started in the next few chapters. Enjoy! ***_

The ACS home was quite loud, the screaming of babies and toddlers filling the yellow-painted hallways; all the while the noise blended into the background as Olivia was focused on other things, those things being the infant in her arms and the man at her side. It was a scene she hadn't even pictured, let alone assumed she would ever be a part of.

"So I know that you've done this before and are probably prepared, but is there anything you may need for the next few days?" The older woman, who ran the facility and who was rather sullen for being a caretaker for children, asked Olivia.

Liv looked up from the little girl, thinking for a moment about what she had been able to prepare. "I think I have everything I'll need for a little while, but thank you."

Just two days before she was supposed to pick up Raegan from the ACS facility, she had gotten the call from Judge Linden that her paperwork had been approved and she would have the same year long opportunity to foster the baby before she would be given the chance to adopt her, that was as long as no family showed up or was discovered. With such short notice of becoming the foster parent to an infant, Liv had rushed to pick up all the things she thought would be necessary. Noah had been older when he had first come home with Olivia, so the idea of formula and swaddle blankets were all new to the sergeant. She had ended up with probably more than she would ever need for one child, but she would much rather be overly prepared.

"In that case, there are just a few documents that you need to sign and then you can be on your way." The woman strode away, assuming that Olivia would follow her, which both she and Barba did.

The district attorney had no legal reason to come with Liv, but he had offered to drive her and after their last, short conversation about him feeling personally unfulfilled, she was all for him joining her. And his company had been something she found comfort in recently; she liked spending time with the man that had always seemed so mysterious.

Nearly half an hour later both Rafael and Olivia were making their way out of the ACS home, headed in the direction of the Volvo SVU that belonged to Olivia. Barba lugged the brand new car seat containing the sleeping baby, as Liv was still on pretty strict orders about what she could and could not do while her injuries were healing fully.

"Do you mind if I ride in the back with her?" Liv questioned the DA as he took his place in the driver's seat.

"Why do you need to ask me, Liv?" Barba smirked at his comment.

Liv rolled her eyes in response. "Well I was just trying to be nice, but never mind then. I'll let you act as our chauffer without any guilt."

The drive was peaceful. Olivia sat in the back seat, an arm draped over the car seat that held a sleeping Raegan. As she was watching the baby's chest rise and fall in slumber, Liv took in all the features of the little girl. She had long eyelashes that fluttered just slightly as she slept, her lips were pink and full, and her small button nose that she thought resembled her brother's, but it was her small hands that Liv paid attention to. Her hands were placed on either side of her head, her small fists resting at her temples; Noah did the same thing when he slept. He had grown out of the habit recently, but when he had first come home, her son would sleep no other way.

When Barba pulled into the apartment parking lot and into Olivia's assigned space, it was the first time the mom had taken her eyes off of the baby. She looked up at Rafael who had turned to see what was happening in the backseat.

"Is Lucy going to stay and help you?" The babysitter had been with Noah while Olivia and Rafael went to pick up his sister.

Olivia let out a deep breath, remembering the circumstances of Lucy's watching Noah for the day. "I don't think so. Her mom had surgery yesterday and I promised her she could go back to the hospital after we got back. I felt bad enough having her come in on the weekend as it was, I didn't want to keep her here any longer than necessary."

"Well if you need any help, I can stay." Rafael offered.

"Oh, you don't have to do that. I'm sure you probably have more important things you need to get done. I mean, how many Saturdays do you actually get off?"

Liv didn't mean to make it seem like she didn't want Barba's help, but when she watched his face drop after the words left her mouth, she could tell that he wasn't happy about having an empty Saturday off.

"I know you think I have a life outside of the office, but contrary to that popular belief, I have no plans." Rafael explained.

"Then you are more than welcome to stay. I'm sure it'll be a little bit of a mad house for a while. Noah has more energy than ten adults combined and I'm not sure how he's going to feel about not being the center of attention."

With permission to join the family, Rafael helped Liv out of the car and then grabbed the car seat, following Olivia to the elevator where they rode up to her fourth floor apartment. As they approached the apartment, Liv and Barba could hear the sound of laughter coming from inside the apartment; at least Noah would be in a good mood before he realized that he would no longer be an only child.

When Olivia opened the door, she was greeted immediately by her son. "Mama! Mama!"

"Hi buddy, mama missed you today." Liv loved the excitement Noah always displayed when she came home.

"Hi Liv. Hi Rafael." Lucy was standing near the door, obviously ready to get back to her weekend.

"Lucy, you can leave. Rafael is going to stay and your mom needs you more than I do." Olivia assured the young brunette.

Lucy eagerly headed for the door. "Thanks Liv. Have a good weekend."

With the younger girl gone, Rafael moved further into the apartment and set the car seat on the coffee table. Raegan stirred inside, but made no noise, she simply opened her eyes to see what had happened.

Noah, who had been attached to his mother since they had gotten home, moved towards the unfamiliar object now in his home. The coffee table was just short enough, that Noah could see directly into the car seat as it sat on top of it. The little boy puked a chubby finger at the baby's tummy, making her let out small whine. He did it again, but instead poked at her cheek; Raegan like that even less.

"You have to be careful with the baby, Noah." Liv told her son as she sat down on the couch next to the kids.

"Baby!" Noah squealed.

Olivia chuckled and Noah giggled back at her. "That's Reagan, Noah. That's your little sister. And you have to be gentle with her."

Noah looked up at his mom, his eyes wide as if he didn't really understand who the new baby was or why everyone kept warning him to be careful. Even at just a little under two, Noah knew when his mom was instructing him.

"See she's little and you're a big boy." Rafael told Noah, who instantly latched onto the district attorney.

"Raf!" It was a funny thing, Noah had such an affinity for Rafael and, at least Liv thought, Rafael had taken a liking to the little boy, as well.

The attorney and little boy giggled at each other, both of them enjoying each other's company. Meanwhile, Olivia had carefully taken Raegan back to her room and changed her diaper, before reappearing with a now content Raegan in her arms. There was something about the warmth of the baby against her own body and the sound of laughter from her son that made Olivia feel like she was finally where she wanted to be with her little family.

"Mama. Baby." Noah pointed at Olivia as she walked into the room.

Rafael stood up, Liv standing next to him while Noah got distracted by one of his many toys.

"You know it's getting late and I don't want to disrupt anything, maybe I'll just get going." Rafael said.

Olivia looked at the man and for some reason she couldn't let him go. "I was just going to let Noah watch a movie tonight and if you're okay with some animated children's movie, it would be great if you stayed."

"I would love to." It didn't take much convincing for the man to agree. He didn't want to have to leave, either.

The night ended with just that a movie, Finding Nemo as it was Noah's favorite, and the two adults and two kids together on the couch. The popcorn Olivia had made sat on the coffee table, where Olivia had her feet propped up next to Rafael's. Raegan was laid on Liv's chest, asleep, showing just how easy her transition into the family would be. Noah sat in Rafael's lap, his head on the attorney's shoulder while the little boy struggled to keep his eyes open. Liv found herself, without even a thought, with her head occupying Rafael's other shoulder as his arm wrapped around her upper body, holding her tightly.

And although it was nothing short of unexpected, Olivia found herself not wanting to move, comfortable with the man she had never expected to spend an evening with.

_*** Reviews, reviews, reviews please! ***_


	12. Chapter 12

_*** First, thank you guys so much for all the reviews! I'm glad you all love Barson and this story so much. Second, to the person who pointed out that Raegan would be Noah's half-sister, you were correct, thank you, and I fixed that little mistake in all the previous chapters. Now here's a new chapter, enjoy! * **_

Rafael didn't spend the night, he went home after they finished the movie, and had since been incredibly busy with all the work that had suddenly found its way into the SVU team's hands. Olivia hadn't seen him since that night, but there had been a few phone calls and numerous texts in the meantime. All of which were sending mixed signals to both the attorney and sergeant. Both of them greatly enjoyed each other's company, but they just didn't know what was going to come of them.

And with the pair so busy, Rafael at work and Liv at home with the two kids, they hadn't gotten much of a chance to see where they could lead. However, Olivia hoped that a Sunday off for Barba meant that she would be able to get a little time with him.

"Cakes, mama, cakes." Noah sat in his high chair, the little boy requesting his breakfast.

Olivia chuckled at her son. "Here you go, buddy." She dumped the cut up pancake onto the tray of the high chair, adding a small bit of syrup to the breakfast food.

A small whine from the living room grabbed Liv's attention and she walked over to the swaying swing where Raegan laid, now not so happy. "Oh I see, you have to be a part of breakfast too, don't you? Yes, you do." Liv cooed at the little girl.

A large grin covered the babies face; her smiling had just recently become her most common reaction to both Olivia and Noah. Raegan had become quickly comfortable with her new family and she fit in with ease. It was a much easier transition than Liv had expected, but she assumed that the baby being so little had something to do with it.

"Rae!" Noah squealed as Olivia returned to the table with the baby now in her arms.

Raegan smiled at her brother's excitement. Noah had instantly fallen in love with the little girl. He watched her all the time, trying to make her smile, giving her all of his toys even though she couldn't play with them; he was infatuated with her and much to Liv's surprise he didn't seem jealous of the attention she got. It seemed impossible that such a big change in her life had actually worked as she hoped it would.

"Play, mama. Wanna play." Noah had stopped shoving his pancake in his mouth and had more important things on his mind, a trip to the park.

"I know, bud, but you have to finish breakfast first and then we'll go." Liv took a moment and then added, "How about we ask Rafael to meet us at the park? Does that sound good?"

"Rafi wanna play." Noah clapped his hands together as he answered.

With what seemed like a definite answer from her son, the mom texted Rafael, who almost immediately responded with a yes to her invitation to join them at the park. Olivia was almost surprised by the accepting of the invite as she understood the attorney's lack of free weekend time.

Olivia got the kids ready as fast as she could. Raegan was fed, changed, and dressed simply in a onsie and leggings. Noah had been a little less easy to get ready, as the toddler didn't fully understand that he couldn't go to the playground in his pajamas. But Liv finally got him dressed in a pair of khaki cargo shorts, a blue polo, and his favorite navy blue sneakers. They were off to the park with enough time to make it by the time Olivia had told Rafael to meet them.

"Well if it isn't the mom of the hour." Rafael joked with Liv as she entered the playground zone of the park, pushing the double stroller containing a content Raegan and a very eager Noah. "How are the kids?"

"They're both good, one of them a little more excited to see you than the other." Olivia smirked, knowing that the attorney knew what she meant.

"Rafi, Rafi, play pease!" Noah reached out towards the man from where he sat in the stroller.

Barba happily obliged and unbuckled the little boy, running after him as he headed straight for the play structure. Noah was thrilled to run around the bright colored plastic toys and structures with Rafael, who seemed to have just as much fun as the toddler. The attorney seemed so in tune with the small child and seemed nothing like his normally serious self that would never allow anyone to know he had even a shred of a soft side.

The boys returned nearly forty five minutes later, Noah being carried by Barba, to where Olivia sat with Raegan. "Did you two have a good time?"

Rafael nodded as he set Noah down on the ground. "I would say we did."

"Thirst, mama." Noah kneeled against Olivia's legs, the little boy tapping his hands in her lap to get her attention.

"Here you go." Liv reached into the diaper bag and pulled out Noah's sippy cup.

"So is this all that you guys have planned for the day?" Rafael asked the mom as he took Raegan out of her arms and into his own.

Olivia reached down , grabbed Noah, and set him on her lap as he enjoyed the milk in his cup. "As of right now it is. Why do you ask?"

"I was thinking maybe we could make some plans for later." Rafael suggested. "I don't know if you can get a babysitter with this late notice, but I thought maybe we could grab dinner."

Liv knew she had been secretly hoping that she would get the chance to spend some time with the district attorney, but she was also unsure of leaving the kids. It wasn't that she didn't trust someone with the kids, but she hadn't left both of them alone since Raegan had come home. Although, she liked the idea too much to let her reservations stop her from taking a chance to have some adult time.

"I can certainly try to find someone. I mean, I guess I'll try and make it work if you really want." Liv toyed with Rafael.

Hours after they had finished their excursion through the park, which included a trip for ice cream, a suggestion by Rafael who didn't have to take the wound up two year old home with him, Olivia and Barba found themselves sitting across from one and other at a popular little French bistro towards the upper east side. It was obvious to Liv that Rafael had pulled some strings to get them a reservation and she was grateful for the thought he had been into their evening.

"I hope this choice of restaurant was okay with you." Rafael said as the two ate their meals.

Olivia stopped mid-bite. "It's perfect Rafael." She could see in that moment that it meant a lot to him to make the night special. It seemed weird to her that such a caring man, although he never showed that side, was not in a relationship or seemed rather alone outside of his work.

"Good." The man looked satisfied with her answer. "I had heard that it was quite the hot spot, I figured we could decide for ourselves if it was worth all the hype."

"Oh I would say that this place is worth it." Liv didn't have the chance to get out of the house very often, if at all, and even though she didn't mind it, she found that it was nice to have a change in activity.

The night seemed to fly by for pair of them and they had both had a really good time with one and other, the first date, if that's what they wanted to call it, that either of them had in a long time. Pretty soon, though, Liv and Barba found themselves making their way down the hallway of Olivia's apartment building, a trip they had made just a few weeks earlier, however, this time it didn't include any children or injured sergeants.

"So…" Rafael dragged on as they came to Liv's door. "Umm… Thank you for tonight."

"I should be thanking you, Rafael. I had a really nice time." Liv told him.

Liv and Rafael stood for a few minutes, both of them looking right into each other's eyes. They couldn't stop staring. The silence was no longer awkward. Instead they found themselves wondering what the next move was. The conversation had stopped and neither one of them found that they had anything left to say, anyway.

The single piece of hair that had fallen from Liv's bun was lying on her forehead. Rafael reached gently towards her face and swept the hair away from where it laid on Olivia's face. His hand gently made its way down her cheek, lingering against her neck. Liv felt the tingling sensation slide down her back as Rafael played with the piece of hair she had felt fall out earlier. His touch was gentle, but assured, as if he knew exactly what he was doing and she wasn't going to stop him.

Without even a thought of stopping or pulling back, the couple found themselves leaning into one another, their lips stumbling upon one and others. It was a gentle kiss, but one that left both of them wanting more.

After pulling away for a quick second, both of them looked at each other to find the assurance to renter the romantic territory. It was obvious within seconds that they were agreed on a where they were headed next. Their lips crashed against each other, the passion neither one of them knew they had could be felt between the shared contact.

When they came up for air, both of them short of breath after their unexpected crash course in each other's lips, Liv and Rafael found themselves without words yet again, but both of them shared a look that seemed uncertain about what had just happened. What had seemed so right in that moment was the last way the attorney and sergeant had expected the night to end.

_*** Keep up all the great reviewing please! * **_


	13. Chapter 13

_*** So this took me so much longer to update than I had hoped, but hopefully you all like it and there will be more to come much quicker. * **_

"I have all the bottles made that she should need today in the fridge, obviously you'll just have to heat them up. If there's some chance that you need more, the formula is in the cabinet with more bottles. Her feeding schedule is right there on the fridge, although it will probably be pretty obvious when she needs it. And of course, you're fine with Noah."

Lucy laughed. "Liv, we'll be just fine."

The mom was returning to work for the first time since her attack and since she had brought Raegan home. She was nervous to say the least, both to return to work knowing that everyone would be wondering how she was handling the aftermath of another terror and also because she was leaving two kids instead of one from now on.

"I'm sorry, I know you will. I just… I guess it's just a mom thing." Olivia chuckled at herself; never did she think that she would be so worried about leaving her child, let alone children.

Liv handed Raegan over to Lucy, who happily took the content baby. The sergeant walked into the living room, stopping first to give Noah a hug and a kiss as he played with his favorite toy truck. The little boy stopped playing to say goodbye to his mama.

"I'll see you at around five thirty, Lucy, I hope." Olivia grabbed her jacket and purse and headed out the door. Although, as soon as she shut the door, she could hear the cries of her son though it. That was always the hardest part, especially now that Noah understood Liv was leaving and that she wouldn't be coming back right away. But it was a sacrifice she had to make and she was starting to come to terms with it. She also hoped that eventually Noah would realize that she will always come home.

Walking into the squad room again was familiar and foreign all at the same time. It had been different for a while from what it was for her first twelve years in the squad and it had been different every time she went through a major life event, William Lewis, her promotion to sergeant, and after she had brought Noah home. However, this time she couldn't quite pinpoint why it was different; Olivia wasn't sure if it was because of the horrible happenings in her apartment or because she had brought home another child. Although, the familiarity was what kept her from completely questioning whether or not she belonged at special victims unit. There wasn't anywhere else Liv could picture herself being.

"Sarge, welcome back." Fin leaned back in his chair, his signature move for as long as Olivia could remember.

"You make it sound like I was gone for the last year Fin." The commanding officer gave him a smirk.

The eldest detective sat up again. "Look it felt like a year with the other guy they saddled us with. You have to stop leaving; I can't handle these new people who think they know what they're doing."

"Okay, I'll try and make sure that no one else gets into my apartment just for you Fin." Olivia rolled her eyes playfully as she headed for her office.

"Oh, Liv, Barba is in there waiting for you. He said he had something he had to discuss with you."

Olivia felt her breath hitch in her throat at the sound of his name. Her body felt rigid as she froze in the place where she stood. She swallowed her confidence in reentering the comfortable office space she had come accustomed to. Why did he have to be there? After their kiss in the hallway of her apartment building, they hadn't seen each other, let alone spoken to each other. Neither of them had known what to say to one and other or how they were supposed to feel about that moment; it wasn't their best choice, as they worked together, but they both didn't completely regret it.

Her feet moved slowly, but Olivia's mind was racing as she pushed through the office door. He stood in the middle of the room behind her desk, a look of discomfort crossing his face.

"Barba." She addressed him by his last name.

The attorney jumped at the sound of her voice, he had been obviously lost in his own thoughts. "Liv, I hope you don't mind that I waited in here for you."

She unloaded her purse and jacket on the rack next to her desk. "No, it's fine." Her answer was short and impersonal.

"I just… I can't…. We have to talk about what happened." Barba had never sounded so flustered.

Olivia sighed. "Look, I know we need to talk, but we can't do this here. I don't need anyone on my team finding out about what happened."

Rafael nodded, agreeing that the sixteenth precinct was too risky a place to have a discussion about their make out sessions. "Alright, that's fine. Do you think you can meet for lunch?"

"Umm… As long as nothing comes up I think I can make it."

"Okay, that's great." The attorney left a couple of case files for Olivia to review, as well, and then left her office none of his worries yet resolved, but at least kept a little more at bay than they had been.

At twelve forty-five, Olivia found herself walking out the doors of the precinct headed west towards a small café six blocks away, where she had agreed to meet Rafael for lunch. Even though she had spent her entire morning hoping for a case to come along, nothing had rolled into the squad room and she was easily able to take an hour's long lunch break, a break she had never wanted less in her life.

The chime on the door, signaling Liv's entrance into the small restaurant, made Barba look up from where he sat to see her searching for him. He waved slightly to get her attentions and the sergeant made her way towards the back where he sat at a table for two.

"Thanks for coming, Liv." Rafael had never been so nervous to have a conversation with anyone. He was the most self-assured man in the courtroom, but this was absolutely out of his element.

Olivia sat down, taking a sip of water from the glass already sitting on the table for her. "Did you order yet?" She was avoiding the topic of conversation that had brought them to their lunch date.

"No, not yet. I was waiting for you."

"Oh okay. Thanks."

There was some silence between them while the two decided what they wanted to eat and ordered their food.

"So… What are we going to do about what happened?" Rafael fidgeted with his hands, avoiding eye contact with Olivia when he asked the inevitable.

"What do you mean what are we going to do about it? There's nothing we can do, we already let it happen." Liv told him.

Rafael sighed. "I know, I know… I guess it's more like what does this mean for us?"

What did it mean for them? They were coworkers, they had known each other for three years, and they had to work together on every case that came through SVU. Was it even a plausible idea for them to have some kind of relationship past a friendship? The problem was Liv knew that the kissed they had shared wasn't forced, it was something they had both wanted, that had to mean something for them.

"I don't know Rafael… Is this really something we want to try?" She answered his question with a question.

Rafael looked at her. "I'm more than willing to give us a try Liv. I think we can make this work."

Olivia let out a shaky breath, she hadn't heard any man, not even Brian, sound so sure about their feelings for her. "Do you really want to, though, Rafael. I have a two year old who still requires so much attention and now a baby in the house who needs even more of my attention. Kids are a lot to take on, especially when you don't have to. And we work together almost every day, are you okay with all the people we work with knowing that we're involved, knowing that we're going home to each other? I mean are you fine with all of that because you we both have to be if this is going to go anywhere."

Rafael sat in his seat for a while contemplating what he had just heard from the woman who sat across from him. "Do you trust me, Olivia?"

"Of course I do." Liv assured him.

"Then trust me when I tell you I want to try this and I want it to work. I get that we work together and we will be working together, hopefully, for a long time. It doesn't bother me that people know we're together or that we're more than friends. That's our business not theirs. And the kids, really? Like I wouldn't be thrilled to spend more time with them. I know what comes with a relationship with you Liv and I want all of it."

"Rafael…" Olivia didn't know what to say to him. She had never been good at the whole relationship thing. Her job was the only relationship she had really had and kept for almost fourteen years before she had given Brian Cassidy a shot and that hadn't worked out. For Liv, too, being a mom had been more important to her than being someone's wife; it would always be her number one priority. But there was something so enticing about a relationship with someone other than a two year old or two month old and she felt that Rafael had nothing but good intentions, something she wasn't sure she had ever felt with a man. "That means… it means a lot."

"So… does this mean…?" the district attorney searched for an answer.

"I'm willing to try this Rafael." Olivia let the words leave her mouth without reservation. Anything she was worried about wasn't important right now. In that moment it was time for both of them to take a chance on something that once seemed so unexpected.

_*** All the reviews on the last couple of chapters have been great; keep them coming please! * **_


	14. Chapter 14

_*** A quick update! **_ *

The sound of clinking dishes filled the small kitchen in the apartment as Olivia emptied the cabinet of plates to set the table with. The utensils followed, along with Noah's sippy cup, a bottle for Raegan in case it was necessary, and two glasses of wine, one for Liv and one for Rafael, her dinner guest.

"Are you sure you don't need me to help you with anything?" Liv stood on the outskirts of her kitchen watching Rafael with a towel draped over his shoulder, spoon in hand, as he made their dinner.

Rafael stirred the contents of his meal's pan. "I have it under control. Besides, I don't think the kitchen is where you show your best skills."

"Hey! I can cook." Olivia defended herself.

"I don't know that bottles of formula or boiling noodles really counts as being able to cook." The attorney poked fun at his counterpart, knowing that she did the best she could, but also knowing that she hadn't ever been one to spend any more time in the kitchen than necessary.

Liv smacked him playfully as he came closer to where she stood. "Whatever, I have a few more capabilities than that."

Those capabilities were becoming evident to Rafael as he spent more and more time with Liv and the kids. It was hard with their always-busy schedules, with Noah and Raegan who needed plenty of attention, but they did what they had to do in order to get time together. Most of the time it meant spending evenings just like tonight, at Liv's apartment, making dinner and playing with the kids. And although, it wasn't some fancy dinner or fun night out, it was enjoyable for both of them. Rafael loved nothing more than watching Liv and her kids and Olivia was enjoying just how much Raegan and Noah were taking to the district attorney.

Within minutes the couple and both children were at the table. Olivia dished up Noah's portion of Rafael's dinner. "This looks great, Rafael. Thank you for doing this."

"Well I was a little tired of coming over for take out." He smirked at the eye roll he received from the woman sitting across from him. "And we're always at your place making a mess, so it's the least I could do."

Everyone enjoyed their dinners quietly, the food taking a quick priority over conversation for a while. That was until the all too familiar cries of a certain baby girl began to fill the apartment. Liv moved to get up from her seat, but Rafael beat her to it and was up on his feet in seconds, heading towards the swing where Raegan had previously been asleep.

"Ahh, baby girl, what is wrong?" Rafael would only ever let his soft side show when he was around the kids.

As he walked back to his seat, Olivia responded. "I think she probably needs to be fed. I can take her."

"It's fine." The man reached for the bottle Olivia had already made in preparation for the crying child. "You can finish. I've got her."

Liv finished her dinner, but watched the man and little girl the whole time. She had always wondered what it would have been like if Brian was still around when Noah had come home, or any man in her life being around with the kids, and she honestly had never pictured that person being strong-willed, no emotions Rafael Barba. But he fit right in. Maybe it was because there was no awkward getting to know each other stage or the issue of understanding a mother of two and sergeant's schedule. Whatever it was that allowed Rafael to fit in with Liv, Noah, and Raegan, the former detective would not be using her skills to uncover it; she was simply going to allow something good to happen.

"I should be getting Noah into the bath and ready for bed here pretty soon." Olivia spoke from her seat on the floor next to Barba and her son, where they had moved after dinner to play for a while.

Rafael looked to her. "I can stay here with Raegan while you do that, then you only have one child to worry about."

"Are you sure? You don't have to do that."

"I want to Liv. Besides, do you have some other plans for after they're in bed?" The look on the DA's face said exactly what his question hinted at.

An hour later the two were cuddled up the couch together, a movie playing in the background. Both kids were fast asleep, Noah in his room and Raegan in her crib that sat in the living room where her brother had previously slept. However, the kids were the last thing on either of Rafael or Olivia's minds.

Rafael stared into Olivia's eyes, a content look on his own face. "What are you thinking about, Rafael?" She asked him.

"I'm thinking that your eyes always say everything that you're thinking, that's why they're so pretty. They've always got a different expression."

Liv chuckled. "Oh how suave you are, Mr. Barba."

The attorney gently swept a stray piece of hair from her face. "Oh I try Ms. Benson."

Without even a thought Olivia found herself inching just that much closer to the man sitting next to her, all the while her lips meeting his in a little bit more than just a kiss. Rafael's hands found their way around her waist pulling her in even closer to him, their lips never parting. Her hands let her fingers run through his hair, as they found themselves no longer sitting, but instead lying on the couch, her body on top of his.

The moment they came up for air, Olivia looked up to see the crib across from the couch. "We can't do this."

"What… What do you mean? I didn't mean to push us too fast…" Rafael seemed a nervous wreck all of a sudden.

"No, no, it's not that. I just meant we can't do this here. I don't want to wake up the baby."

Rafael chuckled embarrassingly; he hadn't meant for his insecurities to show in front of Olivia. "Shall we take this somewhere else then?"

Liv nodded and carefully got up from the couch. She took a hold of Rafael's hand, pulling him along behind her as she walked away from the living room and sleeping baby, towards her bedroom. Rafael shut the door as the last of him filed into the room.

Olivia let go of his hand, sitting down on the bed. Rafael stood above her, taking a moment to look at the woman before he allowed his lips to find hers again. He leaned over her as he held her face in his hands, caressing it as they vigorously searched each other's mouths.

Liv's breaths were shallow as she took a moment to part from his touch. "We have to be quiet or we'll wake the kids." The grin that followed the comment only satisfied Rafael's own wants.

Hours later found the couple wrapped in each other's arms, Olivia head resting on Rafael's chest. Both of them were content, happy with each other's company. Liv hadn't expected everything in their relationship to happen so fast, but there was nothing that felt wrong about her decisions with Rafael. They were both adults, they both knew what they were getting into and they very well both seemed to be just fine with what had come of their choices.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" The question caught Olivia off guard.

She lifted her head from his chest to make eye contact with him. "You're asking me this now? I would say I must be pretty okay with us after the time we just had."

"I just… I meant… I want to make sure that you don't feel like I'm pushing you. We've only been whatever you want to call us for the last month; I don't want to scare you away."

Olivia looked at the man, who was wearing nothing, lying beside her in the bed she had once shared with someone else. He was considerate and he was thoughtful, but Liv found it so strange that all the confidence he had in his professional life meant nothing to him in his personal life. No matter what he was like in the courtroom, he would never be the same vengeful man in a relationship and Liv couldn't help but think that maybe that was what made her so attracted to him.

"Rafael, I want this just as much as you do. I know it didn't seem like that at first, but this is working and I like how it's working. You don't have to worry about anything. For once in your life why don't try not to control everything?"

The man let out a laugh. "Oh yeah, let's talk about control Sergeant Benson."

Before Liv could come back with another smart ass remark, the previously silent apartment was suddenly filled with the cries of not just one child, but both children.

"Ughhh." Liv dug her into Rafael's chest, knowing that their time alone was over. She got up and grabbed her robe hanging from the back of the bathroom door.

"Here, let me help." Rafael got up from the bed, slipping his boxers back on. "I'll go get Noah."

"Thanks." Olivia gave him an appreciative look. "You can bring him back in here."

The two went their separate ways. Rafael picked up a crying Noah from his bed in his room, the little boy calmed almost immediately as he got into the man's arms. Meanwhile, Liv removed Raegan from her crib, cradling her in arms, trying to stop her from screaming for her next meal. Olivia made a bottle as quickly as she could and made her way back to the bedroom where Noah laid in bed next Rafael.

"You okay, buddy?" Olivia asked Noah as she gently sat on the bed with his sister in her arms.

"I think someone just wanted some attention." Rafael watched as the little boy snuggled closer to his mama.

With both kids in bed with them, Rafael and Olivia knew that their night together was over. But as far as Olivia was concerned, no matter how good her time with Barba had been, it was even better to be cuddled up in bed with her kids and the man she was most certainly beginning to fall for.

_*** Please let me know what you guys think! * **_


	15. Chapter 15

_*** Another update, enjoy! * **_

"Will you see where Noah went? I need to get his jacket on before we leave." Olivia spoke to Rafael, who was in the kitchen cleaning up the aftermath of breakfast, from where she stood pacing the living room trying to calm down a fussy Raegan.

Rafael wiped his hands off on the dish rag and left the room in search of the sneaky little boy who always seemed to find a way to disappear when his mother was distracted by his little sister. The man returned a moment later with Noah in his arms, giggling about something.

"This one has discovered how to open his dresser doors, so there may or may not be quite a few pieces of clothing covering his bedroom floor." Rafael couldn't help but laugh at Noah.

Liv, however, wasn't as amused. "Ughh… Noah what are we going to do with you? I'll worry about picking it up later, we don't have time."

After another night spent together with the kids, Olivia and her beau were in a hurry after their breakfast to get out the door and on their way to work. Noah needed to be taken to daycare, which he went to three times a week, and Lucy would be showing up any moment to stay with Raegan for the day. Even though, Olivia had assumed that Rafael staying through their whole morning routine for the first time would scare him away, as it was basically organized chaos, he fit right into the chaos and Liv liked having the extra set of hands.

"I don't think the clothes will do any harm if your leave them there for the day, Liv." He looked down at his watch as he finished talking. "But you are right, we need to get going or we are going to be really late."

Great, Liv thought, as if everyone wouldn't already be questioning why Rafael and she were arriving together, now they would make it even more obvious if they were late. "You can go down to the car with Noah; I'll come down as soon as Lucy is here."

The babysitter arrived as soon as Rafael left for the car with Noah. She apologized for being a few minutes late, but Liv assured her that it was fine as she was walking out the door. She met Rafael who was in the car on the phone, with Noah in his car seat playing with a toy left in the car earlier.

When they pulled up to the daycare center, Olivia hopped out of her seat and got Noah out of his. "I'll be right back."

Rafael laughed at the mom as she hurriedly went into the building. Hard-headed, no nonsense Olivia Benson was not anywhere near the same woman he was watching run into a daycare carrying her two year old son. And as far as he was concerned, he thought he might like the mom version of Olivia better than the woman he had worked with for the last four years.

Half an hour after fighting traffic to get to Rafael's office, the pair was walking through the hallway towards his office. When they entered the room his secretary occupied, they also ran into the whole team waiting for them to arrive and as soon as they did, the looks that came from every member was exactly what both Liv and Rafael had expected. However, they just pretended to ignore the sideways glances.

"Sorry to leave you all waiting." Rafael spoke first, hoping to break the awkward silence that had followed them into his lofty office.

Fin sat down first at the table, where they typically had their attorney-officer meetings involving cases. "It's all good. We weren't waiting for that long."

"Did you guys come here together?" Nick, unlike Fin, questioned his superior and the DA. Liv however, wasn't surprised; he was always the first to notice changes in her behavior and associates.

However, knowing Nick's suspicions, didn't stop Liv from panicking over coming up with an answer for his question. "Umm… Yeah we did. I gave him a ride."

"My... Uhh… My car wouldn't start this morning, so Olivia was nice enough to give me a lift." The attorney filled in the rest of their made up story.

Nick looked between the couple, trying to figure out how credible their story was. "So your brand new Mercedes wouldn't start this morning?"

Olivia's eyes widened at Nick's comment. She hadn't even thought through what she was saying before she blurted out her fake excuse. She should had have known better with Nick, he was a detective for a reason, and very few things made it past his watchful eye, especially when it came to his former partner. Rafael had the same reaction as he realized that he had just purchased his car only a month before.

"Yeah, something about a recalled part. I don't know; I haven't had a chance to look into it yet and I hadn't had a problem until now." At least Rafael's ability to think quickly on his feet was coming in handy outside of the courtroom.

The rest of the meeting was awkward to say the least. Olivia and Rafael sat on opposite ends of the table, trying to avoid another slip up, besides what their colleagues had already noticed. It wasn't that they didn't want them to know about their relationship, but they didn't want the judgement that was going to follow from the detectives. The whole work relationship thing was known to be not the best decision one could make and neither Olivia nor Rafael wanted to endure the criticism from anyone about their choices. Although, after the meeting they had with everyone, it was becoming obvious that hiding their romantic involvement may not be so easy anymore.

When they wrapped up their meeting, Olivia quickly gathered her belongings and exited the office behind her team. She and Rafael had a standing dinner date, so she knew that she would see him later.

Amanda was walking in front of her as they returned to the hallway, when she stopped suddenly, causing Olivia to halt behind her, and the blonde turned around to address her commanding officer. "Look, I know it's none of my business and I don't want to tell you how to run your personal life, but you guys might want to do a better job of hiding whatever is going on between the two of you. The guys are starting to get suspicious."

It was that statement from Amanda that was on the sergeant's mind as she started to get things ready for dinner before her attorney boyfriend showed up for the evening. He was on his way over already and the kids were keeping Liv company. Noah, specifically, was next to his mama, standing on a chair watching her chop vegetables. He always had to be helping his mom whenever he could and Olivia certainly couldn't complain about the company from her favorite little man.

When she heard a knocking at the door, she knew that Rafael was waiting on the other side. "Come in!" She yelled from where she was standing with Noah.

"Rafi!" Noah clapped his hands together.

"Hi buddy." The man came into the kitchen and picked up the little boy off the chair, while also giving his mother a small, quick peck on the lips. "How was the rest of your day?"

"Long and pretty boring, seems like special victims is going through a dry spell, but that's probably a good thing."

Rafael chuckled at her answer. "Same here, I would rather have been here with you and the kids."

"That reminds me, I think there is something we need to discuss." Olivia told Rafael, who immediately lost his calm demeanor and tensed at those words that never meant something good.

"What is it?" Rafael set Noah down on the floor, allowing him to go play with his toys in the living room. He looked a little pale, a look of worry washing over his face.

"Oh, it's nothing bad." Liv told him. "Well I mean I hope it won't be anything bad."

"That doesn't sound anymore reassuring." The man pointed out.

"I guess not huh?" Olivia noticed how unsure she, herself, had sounded. "It's just that Amanda made a comment to me when we were leaving your office today about how we needed to do a better job of hiding whatever it was we were hiding between ourselves."

Rafael leaned against the countertop, letting out a sigh. "Has anyone else pointed it out to you?"

"No net yet, but you saw how close Nick was this morning. It's because Amanda's a woman, she reads into these kinds of things faster than the guys will."

"Yeah but if she's already noticed, than it won't be that long before the whole team knows." Rafael said.

"Exactly, which is why I want to tell them." Liv admitted to him.

Rafael nodded. "That's fine Liv. I get it; they're your team and they deserve to know."

"Those aren't the only people I think we need to tell." Olivia knew that would be a sorer subject for the district attorney.

Rafael stood back up again, realizing what his girlfriend was trying to tell him. "You mean that you think it's time we disclose our involvement, don't you?"

"Yeah, that's what I mean." Liv agreed with his assumption. "I just don't think that after I tell the team, not that I don't trust them, that it will stay a secret for very long and I think we'll be worse off if our superiors find out from people other than us."

With some thought, Rafael gave Liv another nod. "Okay, you're probably right. It would also be good to get all of this out in the open so we don't feel like we have to watch our backs every time we're out together." He understood where Olivia was coming from. She had been through a lot with her squad and herself when it came to dealing with her bosses.

"Thanks for understanding." Olivia was grateful.

"Don't thank me until after we've done it; you may not be so thankful if the reactions to us telling everyone aren't good ones."

The couple finished their evening with a nice dinner cooked by Rafael again. They sat around the table, Noah in his high chair, and Raegan asleep in Rafael's arms after being fed her meal. But even though it was another nice night, Liv couldn't help but focus on what Rafael had said. What if the reaction to their relationship wasn't what they hoped it would be, then what were they going to do?

_*** What's going to happen when Olivia and Rafael disclose? We'll just have to see, won't we? Meanwhile, keep all the awesome and lovely reviews coming! * **_


	16. Chapter 16

"Sergeant Benson to what do I owe this visit?" Deputy Chief William Dodds sat at his large mahogany desk in an overstuffed black leather office chair. He sat back, hands in his lap, calm as could be; meanwhile, Olivia felt like the small office was shrinking around her.

"I… I have… something I need to discuss with you." Olivia had always respected authority, but she had never been nervous around the people who had the ability to tell her what to do or punish her for her sometimes unconventional ways of handling cases.

The chief gave her a sideways glance. "Please take a seat Sergeant." He motioned with his hand in front of him.

Olivia sat down in a chair across from where Dodds sat. "Thank you for seeing me on such short notice."

"So what is this something you need to discuss?" Dodds asked. "I don't want to rush you, but I don't have a lot of time."

Liv couldn't help but worry about revealing her new relationship to the man. They hadn't always seen eye to eye and she doubted that he would understand how she could choose to start a relationship with someone she was involved with at work. But she also knew that she wanted to keep whatever it was that she and Rafael had and what they possibly could have, so she was willing to risk the wrath of Chief Dodds.

"We've decided that we need to disclose to our superiors."

"Who is we and what exactly are you disclosing Olivia?" The chief sounded suspicious.

The sergeant let out a breath that she hadn't realized she was holding. "Myself and District Attorney, Rafael Barba.

"Are you disclosing what I think you are?" Chief Dodds asked.

Olivia nodded. "I'm pretty sure we're on the same page, now. We…Umm… We started seeing each other about two months ago, but we didn't want to be too premature about disclosing. However, we think that it would be much easier to continue our relationship if we didn't have to worry about hiding anything."

"Well, I have to tell you I am little bit surprised." Dodds admitted. "I didn't think you'd ever come to me about some relationship you started with a co-worker."

"That makes two of us." When the chief put it into those kinds of terms, it made Liv think about her relationship differently. Besides whatever it was that she had with Elliot, the two seconds she had spent with David Haden, and since Brian didn't work in her unit when they dated, she never assumed that she would ever be in the position to disclose.

"However, I appreciate you telling me. Most people avoid this whole process like the plague."

Olivia looked at him for a moment waiting for him to say more, but he didn't. "So is that all that you need to know? There isn't anything else?" She was actually shocked by how nonreactive he was to her confession.

"No, nothing else." Dodds told her.

"Really?" Liv didn't want to push the issue, but she had never assumed any of the superiors were fond of relationships between colleagues.

Chief Dodds nodded. "You both are grown adults. I can't tell you that you can have a relationship. Rafael Barba also isn't technically an employee of the NYPD, so it isn't my place to stop him. All I can ask is that it stays separate from you work and it doesn't affect how you two work with each other."

The sergeant was relieved to say the least after leaving Chief Dodds office. She never expected anything to be simple, because it had never been simple, but telling her superior about her romantic relations had quite possibly been the simplest thing she had done since starting at SVU. All she could hope was that Rafael would have a somewhat easy time as well and all the worries about everyone finding out would be a little less until Liv told Tucker and the rest of the team.

"What can I do for you Rafael?" Chief District Attorney, Thomas Yates asked his best DA who sitting in front of him.

Yates had been recently appointed to the position after Jack McCoy had retired the previous year. Rafael like him and had no issues with the man since he took on his position, but he had a feeling that there wouldn't be much of a mutual understanding when it came to his relationship with one of the most well-known sergeants in NYPD.

"We just need to have a little discussion about disclosure." Rafael told him.

"Disclosure, huh?" Yates clarified. "Not quite what I had expected."

"It's not really anything I had ever expected either, sir." Rafael said. "But you need to know that Sergeant Olivia Benson and I are a little bit more than colleagues."

"Well I didn't exactly see that coming, either." Yates admitted.

Rafael chuckled slightly. "We didn't really see it coming, but we don't want to hide it from anyone."

"I appreciate the honesty, Rafael."

"Thank you, sir. I'll let you get back to work now." The man got up from the office seat he had occupied.

"Rafael, we're not done here." Yates stopped the man from leaving his plush office.

He turned back around to see a rather stern look covering Yates face. "I do appreciate that you were willing to tell me about your relationship, but there are rules about this and I don't want anything to affect your work or Sergeant Benson's for that matter. You both are very valuable to this city and I can't let something get in the way of that."

"So what exactly are you saying?" Barba questioned.

Yates sat back in his chair. "If you two want to stay together, which I'm assuming you do since you've told me about it, there are some changes that are going to have to be made."

Rafael hadn't seen that coming. He knew that co-worker romance wasn't exactly everyone's favorite thing, but he didn't know that his superior would feel the need to change everything he was so used to. But it came down to keeping his job and his relationship. He had always been alone, he had never had a steady relationship with anyone, and he wasn't willing to throw it away. So he would have to do what he had to do in order to keep both, but he certainly wasn't sure how he was supposed to tell Liv. And he couldn't think of anything else as he drove to her apartment for dinner.

But he couldn't avoid the topic and of course, Olivia had to bring it up right away.

"So Chief Dodds didn't have much to say when we spoke today." Liv told him as he made his way into the living room where Noah played with his blocks.

Rafael joined the little boy on the floor. "That's surprising. What was his reaction?" He tried to keep his tone even, not wanting to show his nerves.

Olivia walked into the living room, setting a glass of wine on the coffee table for him. "He didn't really seem to care. I mean he wanted to make sure that nothing got in the way of our work, which I assured him it wouldn't, but he was rather okay with it."

"That's good. I'm glad at least one person was fine with it." Rafael retorted.

Olivia gave him a concerned glance. "So it didn't go very well with Yates then today, did it?"

"You could say that." He told her.

Liv opened her mouth to ask what had happened, but the conversation was interrupted by a certain baby crying from her bassinet in the bedroom. Olivia left the room quickly and took Raegan from where she was lying; she returned to where Rafael was still sitting on the floor with Noah playing around him.

"I'm sorry about that; she just wants to be held." Olivia explained as she sat back down on the couch. "What were you saying about today?"

"Yates told me he was really surprised that we were together and that we had been able to hide it for even just as long as we had."

"Is that all he said?" Liv egged him on. "It doesn't sound like it went that bad."

Rafael stopped for a moment before he spoke again. He looked at what was surrounding him, a woman, who was the best sergeant and mother he had ever met, a bubbly, happy little boy, and a beautiful baby girl. He knew that his relationship with Olivia would be judged by some and that maybe it was unconventional, but it was the first time in a long time that he wasn't going home to an empty house every night. He wasn't happy with the arraignment he was going to have to agree to in order to make it work, but Liv and the kids were worth the sacrifice.

"Yates said that as far as he was concerned we had every right to be in a relationship, but that didn't mean that nothing would change." Rafael told her.

Olivia's face dropped as she heard him speak. "What change was he referring to?"

The District Attorney let out a long sigh. "He means that if we want to stay together, which we do, that we can't be working together, in the same unit or even the same precinct."

"So what exactly does that mean for you, Rafael?" Liv asked him. She was now more than concerned with what had happened that afternoon. After all, it had been her idea for them to disclose and when it went well for her with Dodds, she had assumed that they would be fine at the DA's office as well.

"It means that I can't be the district attorney for SVU anymore. So I'll have to be transferred to another unit in another precinct in Manhattan at best. At worst, I get changed to another city. It doesn't matter to Yates, so long as we are not working together." Rafael admitted.

_*** Tucker and the team will find out next, but for now, let me know what you think. The reviews are always appreciated! * **_


	17. Chapter 17

_*** I didn't realize how long it had been since I update. Sorry for the delay, but here it is! * **_

"Hey sarge, what's this all about?" Carisi asked his superior officer as he and the team made their way into her office before they started their day catching rapists and finishing endless paperwork.

"Do you ever do anything besides ask questions, Carisi?" Amanda Rollins shot back at her colleague before the commanding officer could answer.

Fin looked at the pair, laughing to himself. "You two are worse than a couple of five year olds."

"Okay, that's enough from all of you. Noah behaves better with other kids than you do with each other. It's a wonder you even have the ability to work together most of the time." Liv joked with her team.

"Sorry Liv; go ahead and talk, we'll try and be mature." Fin said to her, although the snicker that left him when he turned to look at Amanda and Carisi said otherwise.

Olivia took a deep breath before she spoke. "Alright, so I waited to tell all of you because I wanted to disclose to Chief Dodds first, umm… Barba and I have been seeing each other for the last few months. I'm sure this is weird for all of you; it's a little bit weird for me to be telling you, but you deserve to know. And now Barba is being transferred to another unit because Thomas Yates won't let him keep working with us, well more like he doesn't want him working with me."

"So what does this mean then? We're getting a new DA?" Amanda asked.

Liv nodded in response. "At some point. Yates gave Rafael permission to finish up all of the trials he has begun prepping and then he has to be done."

"Well we've been through plenty of changes in DA's. We'll be fine. I'm just glad you're happy Liv." Fin stood up from where he sat. As much as he tried to put of a tough front, he always cared about Olivia and her life outside of the precinct walls, but he also wasn't ever one to judge.

"Thank you, Fin." The sergeant gave him a pat on the back before he exited the office.

Amanda stood up too, following her partner. "Me too, Liv. You deserve this."

After she left the small room followed by Carisi, it was just Olivia and Nick left, which wasn't surprising. Liv had expected Nick to take the news much differently than his co-workers. "Really? You're dating Rafael Barba?"

"Yes I am, Nick." Olivia told him. "I'm sure you don't like the idea, but it's my life. And while it affects the team in a way, it's not anything for you to worry about."

"I just don't want him to hurt you. I've never known him to have a girlfriend, just makes me wonder why." Nick was always the skeptical.

Olivia sighed. "Nick, he's a busy man. It's not like I've ever had that many boyfriends. Amanda doesn't date, she doesn't bring men home and you don't question her motives and you never would. I get that you don't know Rafael as well, but trust me when I tell you that I am happy and that we are going to try and make us work."

"Okay, Liv. If it's what you want, you deserve to have it." Nick said, although Olivia wasn't completely sure that he was sincere in his response, but it would, for a while, get him out of her hair about her dating life.

As the day carried on, uneventful and filled with paperwork, Olivia found herself watching her office door. She had called Lieutenant Tucker and told him that if he could make a stop by the office, there was something she needed to discuss with him. The man had been surprised to say the least; never had he expected anyone in the Manhattan special victims unit to call and ask to speak to him before he showed up on his own, investigating the most recent scandal. It also made Liv incredibly nervous. She knew that since Chief Dodds had signed off on her dating Rafael, there was nothing Tucker could do to change that, but she knew that by putting it out in the open there was a greater chance of Tucker using any angle he could related to the relationship to screw some investigation or case. Tucker always found a way to ruin things.

It wasn't until the end of the day as Olivia was packing up her laptop and the files she was taking home with her that Tucker finally came waltzing through her office door. "Sorry, I expected to be here earlier."

"I expected you to be her earlier." The comment came out a bit snippier than Liv had expected but it had been a long day and she was no longer in the mood to discuss anything with Tucker.

"Well I can always come back if you need to get going." The offer from the man was made in a rather oppositional way, showing that he was irritated with the sergeant's response.

Olivia stopped herself from rolling her eyes or throwing out another rude comeback. "No, you don't need to make another trip. All that I need to tell you is that Rafael Barba and I are seeing each other. I was just trying to be courteous and let you know before the word got around."

Tucker stared at the sergeant for a moment before he responded. "Rafael Barba? You're dating Rafael Barba?"

"What's so shocking about that?" She asked.

"I'm just a little disappointed. I assumed that you had already learned your lesson when it came to dating DA's. I mean you already got David Haden moved from SVU to another unit because of your relationship and thought obviously didn't turn into anything." Tucker retorted.

Olivia froze at his response. She knew that Tucker had his moments where he was an absolute asshole, but his statement was beyond anything she had ever experienced with him. Liv didn't take much of what Tucker said about her work personally; she knew that she was a good detective and she was doing her job as sergeant. But when it came to her personal life, Olivia was uncomfortable and insecure; she had her fair share of issues. However, she certainly didn't need to hear about it from Tucker, nor did she want to know how much he knew regarding her private life.

"I'm going to pretend like I didn't hear any of that. You know I was just trying to be a little nice, but now I know to never try that again." Olivia grabbed her purse from where she had set it on her desk and charged out of her office, leaving Tucker behind.

When she walked into her apartment after driving angrily home from the precinct, Olivia was immediately greeted by Noah, who came running from the pile of toys he had been playing with to give her a tight hug around her legs.

"Mama home." The little boy's words made her melt and quickly forget her anger.

"Yes mama is home, mister. Where's Reagan?"

"Rae!" Noah didn't quite understand the whole question, only catching on to the fact that his mom was referring to his little sister.

"She's asleep in your room." Rafael, who had been hovering from the kitchen, answered her question. "Noah why don't you show your mom your new toy while I finish dinner?"

"Toy, mama, toy." Rafael knew that Noah wouldn't get anything else from his suggestion but the word toy.

The rest of the family's evening consisted of dinner, play time with both kids after the kitchen had been cleaned, a bath time filled with giggles and a rather wet, soapy bathroom floor, and story time for Noah. It was normal as usual, but completely appreciated by Liv after her day.

"How'd the team take the news today?" Rafael asked Liv as they sat on the couch later, watching a movie after both kids had fallen asleep.

Olivia shrugged her shoulders. "Fin, Amanda, and Carisi were fine. They were upset you'd be leaving, but they don't worry too much about my personal life."

"And Nick?"

"He took it better actually than I expected. He assumed, of course, that you couldn't possibly be the right guy for me and that you weren't my best choice, but I told him that it wasn't his decision, it was mine. He backed off, but I'm sure he'll bring it up again." Liv told him.

"Well then what about Tucker?" Rafael looked at Liv where her head had been lying on his arm shot up.

Just the sound of his name made her mad. "I don't even want to go there."

"What happened?" Rafael questioned her. "What did he say about it?"

"The only thing he could tell me was that he was disappointed in my choice and that I should stop messing with the lives' of DA's." Liv huffed.

Rafael gave her a confused glance. "What does that even mean?"

"Nothing. There was this thing with David Haden before he transferred and I didn't know Tucker knew about it. It was nothing and it went nowhere, but he knew we couldn't work together."

"Liv that's not your fault and neither is my transfer. We are both adults, we are both making the choice to be in this relationship, and we knew their rules, so we're dealing with them." Rafael said.

"So you don't blame me for you having to change units?" That had been half the reason Tucker had angered her so much. She was so worried that Rafael would be upset with her over his transfer because she was the one who wanted to disclose.

"Of course not, Liv." He assured her, a hand resting gently on her knee. "I have to follow the rules. You aren't Thomas Yates, you didn't make me do this."

"Thank you." Olivia said sincerely.

"Now about this disappointment in your choice of a man from Nick and Tucker, I may just have to show you a little something so you don't start believing them." A smirk ran across the face of the district attorney.

With both kids asleep, Liv knew exactly what Rafael was hinting at. "Oh really? I mean, I don't know, it might take a lot of convincing that I picked a good guy."

Rafael gently began to kiss Liv's neck, making the woman's breath hitch in her throat. "I think I may just have to do whatever I can to show you then."

Olivia laughed at their teasing, excited for a little time not filled with a toddler and baby. She found herself shifting in her seat, laying her body across the couch, allowing Rafael to move his own body on top of hers, as they found each other's lips, entangling themselves in each other's extremities.

_*** Let me know your thoughts. * **_


	18. Chapter 18

"How long are you thinking that it's going to take before all of this is going to trial?"

Olivia sat in her boyfriend's office surrounded by his secretary, who was taking notes, and the rest of her own team. That morning Liv had gotten a call from Rafael telling her that he needed to meet with everyone from special victims and discuss an earlier case they had worked. Little did any of them know, including Olivia, that the case Barba wanted to discuss was Liv's: a case that was and still had horrible implications for the sergeant and her family.

"It's looking like sometime in the next couple of weeks." Rafael admitted. "We will still have to pick a jury and deal with any pre-trial matters, but it's not looking like that's going to take all that long."

Nick cleared his throat. "How long have you been working on this case without telling us?"

"It doesn't work that way. It's been sitting without any action on my desk as long as it has been on yours. The only reason it's started back up is because their defense attorney came to me yesterday." Barba tried to clarify, knowing that Nick pointing out the lack of SVU's involvement would possibly upset Liv.

"So are we all going to have testify? Is that why we're here?" Amanda asked.

Rafael nodded. "Yeah you will. I was hoping to start working on all of your testimonies this week, whenever you all have the chance to make it here or I can get to the precinct. I don't want to be unprepared. This case is really important to all of us, some more than others" He looked over at Liv, but her eyes were directed at the ground, "and I don't want any surprises. I want this to go as smoothly as possible and I want the right conviction, just like all of you."

Olivia could feel Rafael watching her from where she sat at the table, but she couldn't make herself look up at him. She wanted to, she really did, but this case made her uncomfortable, it made her feel weak, and it made her feel exposed to everyone. It was awkward enough to be in the same room with her boyfriend and all of her team; she hadn't expected the topic to be all about her as well.

"We get it, Barba." Carisi always tried to be the yes man and the one not to start any rifts among his colleagues.

"Do you need anything else today, or are we done?" Liv stood up from her seat abruptly, stopping the conversation.

"Umm…well…" Rafael didn't know how to respond. "I had a few other things, but they can wait if you need to get back to the precinct."

The sergeant grabbed her purse from the back of the chair. "I'll send the team over when they have time so that you can work with them."

With their sergeant's initiation, the rest of the team followed suit, gathering their coats and other belongings. They all filed out of the office, slightly taken aback by the brisk ending to their meeting that had seemed rather important. They also noticed the tension between Rafael and Olivia, which also seemed odd as the pair was obviously not that way outside of work.

Everyone walked out and Liv brought up the end, but Rafael stopped her before she could get out of the door. "Is something wrong, Liv?"

"We're not talking about it here. We can talk when we get home tonight. I'll see you later." Rafael could feel the cold shoulder that he had just received from Olivia.

He was so confused. He assumed that Olivia would have been happy that the people who had attacked her and her son would be going to trial and finally be prosecuted for the disgusting things they did to them. But he had to admit sometimes he didn't understand Olivia's reactions to things; he had felt that way since they started working together. He couldn't always read her and she was never one to open up. It had led to tension a few times between them, but Rafael had assumed that since they were on a different level personally, he wouldn't run into the same emotional barriers Liv always put up.

"Noah, lovey, I know you're hungry, but mama has to finish cooking before you can eat." Olivia looked down at her son who was holding back tears as he gripped onto her legs.

"Hungy, mama, hungy." The little boy cried.

Rafael entered the apartment later that evening to watch the scene unfold between mom and son. The little boy didn't even make an effort to look at who had just come through the door because he was too preoccupied. The man couldn't help but chuckle at how desperate Noah was for his dinner.

"Noah, why don't you let mama finish cooking and we'll play for a little while before dinner is ready?"

Olivia had heard the DA enter the apartment, but she was avoiding making eye contact with him focusing on her son. "Noah go play with Rafi." She encouraged the little boy, who still didn't move.

It was a long evening with both kids, Noah improved after he finally got his dinner, but then Raegan started, wanting to be held and rocked, not letting Liv or Rafael put her down. By the time Noah actually fell asleep in his own room, it was nine thirty and Olivia was left on the couch with Raegan sleeping in her arms, too worried that if she put the baby down she would wake up and throw a fit.

Rafael, who had just checked on Noah to make sure he was still sleeping soundly, came back into the living room and sat down next to Liv, being careful not to disrupt the sleeping baby. "Can we talk about this morning?"

"What do you want to talk about?" Liv asked him, her tone screaming that she wanted to avoid the topic.

Rafael sighed. "Really Liv? You know exactly what I want to discuss. I want to know why you were so upset this morning, why you were so reluctant to cooperate with the trial."

"I'm not reluctant to cooperate, Rafael." Olivia told him.

"Then what is it, Liv? What is bothering you?" Rafael pleaded with her.

Liv stared down at the baby lying against her chest. "What's bothering me is that you didn't warn me about all of this. You didn't tell me that we would be going to trial and would have to testify against my attackers when you knew before this morning."

"I know I should have told you, but I just didn't know how to. I just assumed that if I told all of you a once you wouldn't feel so alone when you found out. You would know you weren't the only one who had to testify or go back to that day. I wanted you to have that support." The district attorney claimed.

"I just don't know." Olivia huffed. "I'm tired of being looked at by you and the rest of the team as a victim. This is the third time now and I don't want to be in this position anymore."

Rafael looked at her like he was seeing her in a completely different light, a light that came from her finally opening up. "Liv, I didn't realize you felt like that."

It was hard for both of them to open up and they had been better now that they were together than they had been when they were simply working together, but both of them hated to admit their weaknesses or when they needed help. It wasn't that Liv hadn't appreciated the support from Rafael and her team, but she was supposed to help the victims, be their advocate, not have to worry about who would help her and speak up for her.

"I know you didn't know that, no one knows that. I'm not going to sit there and have a pity party when I know you are all trying to help me. But I just can't do it; I'm tired of doing it."

"Liv, we can try and avoid a trial. I can try and get their attorney to agree to a plea deal." Rafael was trying to be helpful.

Olivia took a deep breath in an attempt to clear the lump that had formed in the back of her throat. "Look I know that you want to help and I appreciate it, but I know we need to take this to trial, I know a jury needs to hear this, and I want them to, I do."

"You are not in this alone Liv. You never have been." Rafael placed a comforting hand on her knee, but she quickly moved away from his touch.

"But I am alone." She told him. "As much as I don't want to be, I am. And all I can keep thinking is that I wish Noah or Raegan could speak, that they could tell everyone what those people did to them. They are who I care about, not myself. I care that they had to endure things no child should be subjected to and they can't tell anyone, they can't sit in front of jury and make them feel how horrible it all was. I'm doing this for them no matter how much I hate the idea."

"Okay, we're doing this for them, then." Rafael assured her. "Now let's stop talking about this, I don't want to upset you. You should get some rest."

Olivia stood up carefully stood up, hoping not to wake Raegan. "I think I just want to be alone tonight."

There was nothing else said by either of them before Liv walked out of the room. She turned the kitchen light off, leaving Barba in only the dim light of a single lamp in the living room. He had never felt so far from Liv. Just when he thought they were opening up and getting to know each other, all of it crumbles because Liv feels vulnerable. That vulnerability that was showing through was exactly what pushed Rafael to walk out of the apartment that night instead of ending his day in bed next to Liv like he had so many nights before.

_*** Keep the reviews coming! They are always appreciated and I like to know what you guys think. * **_


	19. Chapter 19

She rolled over from her side on to her back and then all the way over to look at the other side of the bed. However, Olivia found it empty. Just as it had been for the last week, a reminder of the mistakes she had made with Rafael. Those mistakes though would have to be push aside for the time being as a certain baby girl was testing her lungs from where she laid in her basinet at the end of the queen sized bed.

"Raegan Grace, my sweet girl." Olivia cooed as she scooped the fussing infant into her arms. "Let's get you fed, before you wake up your brother."

The dynamic of the household had changed drastically since the little girl had entered Noah and Liv's lives. And although, she was already loved more than she realized by her foster mother, there were trying moments with two kids under the age of three and Olivia was only just beginning to gain a handle on taking care of both tiny humans while keeping up with her own job and its demands.

With a warm bottle in hand, Liv settled on the couch, and the baby sucked contently on her first meal of the day. "That's just what you needed, wasn't it?" The mom stroked the little girl's chubby cheek, earning half a smile as Raegan was still gripping the bottle in her mouth, unwilling to give up her food supply.

The morning was quiet as it had been for the last week without Rafael there. Sunday meant her only day alone with the kids, unless she was able to sneak in Saturday as well, but that had not happened that week. It never did leading up to an important trial, so Liv was cherishing her time just herself, Raegan, and Noah. Typically they stayed in and played, had their usual meals and naps, but without Rafael's company that she had come accustomed to on her days off, Olivia decided that instead her and the kids would go to the park and the children's museum, things that they didn't usually do, but they meant getting out of the house and entertainment for everyone.

By nine o'clock the apartment was filled with noise, baby coos, toddler giggles, plates from breakfast banging into the dishwasher. All of it made up a normal Sunday morning in the Benson household.

"Mama! Mama!" Noah's voice echoed through the kitchen from where he stood in the living room.

"What is it, baby?" Olivia left her post in the kitchen to see what her son was up to.

He stood in front of the baby swing that was occupied by Raegan. The baby girl swayed back and forth covered by stuffed animals that Noah had strategically placed on top of her.

"Rae laugh. She laugh mama!" The little boy looked up at his mom with his big brown eyes gleaming with pride.

Olivia couldn't help but smile. "Oh you made her laugh? Good boy Noah." She clapped for him, knowing how proud the he was of his accomplishments.

The day continued with a trip to the park where Noah ran around the bright colored play structure without a care in the world, enjoying the sunny afternoon. They had even ran into a few kids and parents that Noah went to daycare with, giving the little boy playmates and giving Liv adults to converse with. As the day progressed the mom decided to stop for a treat. She and the kids ended up in their favorite ice cream shop just a few blocks from the park. Noah sat contently with his scoop of chocolate and Olivia ate her cup of mint chocolate chip while she fed a very hungry Raegan.

The peaceful afternoon however, was soon interrupted with the blaring ring of Olivia's phone. "Benson." She answered the phone automatically without even checking the caller ID.

"Hey Liv, sorry to bother you on your day off." It was Amanda's voice that came through from the other line.

Olivia let out a sigh, knowing what a call from the detective meant. "Do you really need me?"

"It's nothing too bad. We just need you to review a case file from something that came in today before we take it to the DA." Amanda informed her. "I could drop it off for you."

Liv thought for a moment and looked at Noah sitting in his chair happily eating his ice cream and then down at Raegan who was enjoying her meal. She knew that Noah wouldn't be up for going home for his nap after the sugar he was having and the mom didn't really want to change all of her plans for a single case file.

"You know what, I'm only ten minutes from the precinct and I was headed that way anyway" the children's museum was rather close to the precinct "so I'll just swing by and pick it up myself."

Olivia pushed the stroller back to where she had parked her car, loaded the kids in their car seats and drove to the all too familiar work place she had hoped to avoid that day.

From the time she entered the building to actually making it to the squad room was longer than Liv had expected. After sixteen years in the same precinct, she knew everyone who had and still did work there, so they all were excited to see her come in with the kids. It seemed as if everyone knew how much she loved the idea of being a mom and they all treated the kids like they were part of the team. It was the same when she finally made it up to her detectives who had the pleasure of working on Sunday. However, Noah and Raegan were a welcome distraction while Carisi filled his sergeant in on the case.

"Hi Noah." Nick lifted the little boy out of his seat in the stroller, as he was reaching for the male detective he was so comfortable with. "Are you having a fun day with mama?"

"I Cream!" Noah squealed with delight.

Everyone laughed at him, Carisi and Liv included. "You went and got ice cream?" Nick clarified.

"Yeah." Noah answered him like it was completely normal.

Amanda herself had taken Raegan from her spot in the stroller and was gently bouncing the baby in her arms, making her smile at the young blonde detective. Although she had her very rough moments with her sergeant, Amanda still cared about her and the kids and since they had come into her life, Olivia had been much more open about the whole team being a part of their lives.

As everyone was distracted, Liv and Carisi still working on understanding the case and Nick and Amanda playing with the kids, Fin had answered a phone call on his desk phone.

The noise of children and adults that inhabited the squad room was broken by Fin. "Hey Liv."

The woman turned around to look at the man. "Yeah, what is it Fin?"

"That was Barba's secretary." Fin told her. "When was the last time that you talked to him?"

"Umm…" She didn't want to mention what had happened or that it had been a week since she had seen him. She knew all the detectives had their doubts; she didn't want to make them seem true. "I haven't talked to him today; he's busy with trial prep."

"What's this all about Fin?" Amanda asked her partner. She had known him long enough to know how he reacted to things and she could feel his hesitation.

"All his secretary said was that something happened and she figured you would want to know." Fin was avoiding eye contact with everyone.

Olivia froze. Something happened… what did that mean? If it had been important to the case or something involving SVU, Rafael would have called himself. He would have called her directly. This something wasn't work related.

"Did she tell you what happened?" The sergeant was almost afraid to ask.

Fin shook his head, but this time he looked in her eyes and Olivia could see the grief in his eyes. "She said she didn't know what happened, no one would tell her. All she knows is that he's in surgery at Mercy."

Olivia felt herself go numb. He was in surgery. He was lying on a table in the hospital with a doctor's hands in his body. She felt like she couldn't breathe, like all the oxygen everyone else in the room was using had been taken from only her. Why did it come to this? She had blamed him for things that now seemed so petty. It was a case and a trial; she knew how it went, she should have expected it, she should have known that Barba wouldn't do anything purposely to upset her. Was this how it had felt for everyone else with her? When William Lewis took her both times and when she had been attacked in her apartment, was the first thing on the minds of the people closest to her the last thing they had said to each other or the last thing that had happened between them?

"I have to go. I have to go." Her voice came out shakier than she had expected.

"Liv. Liv, you have to calm down." Nick gripped her shoulder. "Breath Liv."

She tried to take a deep breath but it was shallower than they had been before. "I need to be there. I have to be there."

"Okay." Nick nodded. "Let me take you there."

Olivia started to move and then realized she hadn't come alone. "The kids. I can't take them. They don't… They don't need to be there."

"It's okay Liv. Fin and I will take them back to your place and stay there." Amanda, who was still holding Raegan, assured her sergeant.

Olivia nodded in response not able to get any actual words out to agree to Amanda's proposal. The blonde didn't need her to say anything, though, to know that she appreciated someone taking the kids for her.

"All of Raegan's bottles are in the fridge, the formula in the cabinet. Umm… Noah will eat whatever is in the fridge or if you want to order food for all of you I'll pay you back." The exasperation was evident in Liv's voice.

"We'll take care of it Liv." Fin wasn't the best with kids, but he would do anything to make his commanding officer and friend's life a little bit easier.

The two detectives, Noah, and Raegan left to head back to Olivia's house and Nick walked Liv out. No words were exchanged between the former partners and it was just how Liv wanted it. Her mind was a mess with the worst possible thoughts of what had happened to Rafael and all she could think was that the last thing she did to him was kick him out of her apartment.

_*** What's going to happen to Rafael? Reviews please! * **_


	20. Chapter 20

"Rafael Barba. I need to know…." Olivia gripped the nurses' desk, making her presence known to all of the medical personal running around the small space.

The nurse nodded, seeing the panic written on the sergeant's face. "Okay, let me see what I can find for you."

Liv found herself catching her breath as the sound of the nurse typing at the compute faded into the background of all the other hospital noises. She hadn't stopped since Fin had revealed the contents of his conversation with the secretary, from then until now, her mind had been racing alongside her feet as soon as she entered the hospital.

"Ma'am it looks like he's still in surgery. If you head up to the third floor where the recovery rooms are, someone up there should be able to notify you as soon as he's moved."

Her pace wasn't as fast this time, her mind had slowed but only because now her thoughts were of the absolute worst case scenarios. She wasn't sure how long he had been in surgery, but it seemed to her that no matter the length of time it was still something that required too much medical attention, too much to hold comfort in a quick or easy recovery. Soon enough, though, Olivia was enveloped in the silence of the empty hospital waiting room on the third floor where the nurse had sent her. Even with Nick sitting in the seat next to her, she felt more than alone with only the ideas running through her head to keep her company.

Nick began to shift in his seat nearly an hour later, before standing up to face Liv, who was paying little attention the detective. "I'm going to go get some coffee, can I get you anything."

"Umm… yeah…" Liv looked at up her former partner and in that instance he noticed that tear stains that streaked her face. "I'll take whatever… I guess you know what I usually get."

"Okay, I'll be back. Do you need anything else?" Nick offered.

She took a deep breath, trying to silence the tears in her eyes and the lump that was forming in the back of her throat. "No…thanks. I'm fine. I think I'll call Amanda and check on the kids."

When the dark haired man had left on his trip for caffeine, Olivia pulled out her phone and dialed Rollins number from her favorites list. The phone rang only once before the blonde answered on the other line.

"Hey, Liv. Have you heard anything?"

"No…umm… no not yet." Olivia sighed at the answer she had to give. "How are the kids?"

"They're good." In that instance, Liv could hear a squeal from her son through the phone and a soft chuckle from Amanda. "As I'm sure you just heard Noah and Fin are playing a rousing game of tag and Raegan is asleep in your room."

Liv knew that she shouldn't sell her detectives so short, they were more than capable of staying with the kids for a couple of hours; she just worried about her babies. "Good. What about food, has Noah had dinner yet?" She looked down at her watch, seeing that it was almost her son's regular dinner time.

"Fin is going to go to the deli on fifth and pick us up some sandwiches and get Noah some man and cheese. Is that okay?"

"That's great. It's Noah's favorite so he'll be thrilled." In that moment the mom was so thankful to have the people she did to help her.

She hung up the phone a moment later, assured that her children were in good hands and that they would be just fine while she was away. However, when she looked at the wood double doors that were separating the healthy and the unhealthy, she couldn't stop herself from feeling like any of the control she had in her life or in her kids' lives was gone because she could do nothing to help the man she was realizing that she loved.

"The family of Rafael Barba." So buried in her thoughts, Liv hadn't even noticed the man donning the dark blue scrubs come into the waiting room.

Olivia turned around and saw the doctor behind her. "Umm… I'm… That's me."

"Here, let's sit." He ushered her to one of the tables in the waiting room.

"Can you tell me what happened? No one seems to know what happened." Olivia barely allowed the doctor to sit before throwing out her questions.

"I don't know the exact details. What I was told when he came in was that he was attacked by an inmate who had a shiv. I think he was at Riker's Island from what I understand."

Now that Rafael wasn't working for special victims, Liv didn't really know much about the cases he was working. "So then, what's wrong?" Olivia was wringing her hands waiting for answers.

"He had multiple stab wounds. Most of them were superficial and just needed to be stitched up. But one of the wounds was deep enough to penetrate the lung tissue. We repaired the tear with a skin graft and it seems to holding very well. But we're also worried about a concussion; he fell pretty hard when he was stabbed. We're waiting on some test results and then we have to take him up to get a CT and MRI."

She was expecting something much worse, but it still didn't sound like Rafael was home free by any means. "When can I see him?"

The doctor let out a long, deep breath. "I don't think you'll get to see him tonight. We still need to answer some of our own questions and make sure we know exactly what we are dealing with."

Olivia felt like the wind had been knocked out of her. She hadn't been there for him in the last week, she hadn't been there when he was attacked by a reckless prisoner, and she still couldn't be there for him when he was coming out of surgery. He would be worried and scared waking up in an empty hospital room. All she wanted was to be there for Rafael like she hadn't recently and it looked like she wasn't going to get to do that soon enough.

The doctor could see the defeated expression that had overcome Olivia; it was obvious she had held a lot of hope in seeing Rafael that night. "Look, we're going to start running our tests and getting him settled in a recovery room very soon. I'm sure that by tomorrow morning, you'll be able to come and see him."

"Alright, thank you." Liv stood up from the table, swinging her purse over her shoulder.

The doctor stood up as well, but his speaking stopped Olivia from leaving the waiting room. "If it makes you feel any better, I can say that I'm pretty certain he will have a successful recovery and it shouldn't take too much time."

"I hope you're right." As much as she wanted to believe what the doctor was telling her and much as she knew that his medical knowledge was much better than her own, until she could see Rafael, she wouldn't trust that all of it would be so easy.

With a call to Nick, Liv met him at the car. When he arrived at the car, he started to ask Olivia what had happened, but her demeanor stopped him in his tracks. Her shoulders were hunched; she was staring out into the parking garage, her eyes looking at nothing. But she felt the presence of Nick, though; she didn't say anything, simply slipped into the passenger seat. Nick followed suit, starting the car, and driving back to Liv's apartment without sharing a single word the rest of the drive.

"Nick you can just pull in front." It was the first time she had spoken the whole twenty minute drive; but she still didn't look at Nick, instead she kept her eyes straightforward as Nick veered off the road and pulled up in front of her building.

"Thanks." Olivia opened her door, exited the car, and walked through the front doors of her apartment without looking back at Nick.

He knew that she needed her space and that she didn't mean any disrespect with her action, yet Nick could not shake the feeling that he would never get a chance to understand his sergeant. Just when he thought they were breaking through each other's walls, Olivia would build hers right back up.

When she walked through the front door of her apartment, Liv was greeted by Amanda and Noah, who were sitting on the couch, Noah with his sippy cup, watching the TV.

"Oh, hey Liv." Amanda stood up from her seat. "Sorry, he's still awake. He wouldn't go down without you, so I just put on a movie."

Olivia couldn't help but be thankful for the one little person who would always want her. "It's okay. I understand."

"So how's Barba?" Amanda nervously picked up some of the toys that were sprawled on the floor from her time playing with Noah.

Liv removed her jacket and went to pick up her son, placing a small kiss on his forehead as the tired little boy snuggled up against her. "He's…umm… he's fine, I guess. I didn't get to see him and the doctor said they still had tests to run."

"Oh. Okay." Amanda didn't know what to say. She didn't want to push her sergeant and it wasn't her place. "I'll get going, let you two get some sleep."

"Thanks for everything Amanda." Olivia was grateful for what the young detective had done for her and she was even more grateful that she respected her situation; that was the one thing that Amanda always understood, she hated when people pried and she never did it to others.

When the door had closed, Olivia looked down at Noah who was still awake. "Let's get you into bed, mister."

She laid the little boy down in his bed and tucked him in under his dinosaur sheets. Noah struggled against his mom and reached for his favorite stuffed animal sitting on the bed. It was a turtle that had been a gift from Rafael. After the pair had watching Finding Nemo for the first time, Noah had become obsessed with the sea turtles, so the district attorney had hurried out right away and found a stuffed one for Noah. Since then, the toddler wouldn't go to bed without it.

"Mama." Noah's big brown eyes stared up at Olivia.

"What is it my sweet boy?" Liv stroked his hair.

He held up the stuffed turtle. "Rafi play?"

Olivia's breath hitched in her throat. Until that moment she hadn't realized how much of an impact the DA had on her little family. And in that moment she realized that she wasn't the only one who needed Rafael, her kids that he had been so good to, needed him too. They all needed him and she wished that it hadn't taken something so horrible for her to realize just how important Rafael Barba was.

"Not right now, baby. Rafi can't play today. Soon, though, Rafi will come play with you again."

As Olivia walked out of her son's room, closing the door behind her, the tears she had been holding back now streaming down her face, she could only hope that what she had told her son would be true.

_*** Please keep up with all the reviews. I really like getting to hear all of your thoughts and feelings on the story! * **_


	21. Chapter 21

_*** Here's an update for you all! * **_

"Noah, sweetie, you have to eat your breakfast." The little boy laughed at his mother, flinging his spoon around instead of using it to eat his oatmeal.

"Play, mama." Noah struggled against his high chair.

Olivia let out a deep breath, trying to not let her temper get the best of her; she knew he was only being a normal two year old, but she just needed a little cooperation this morning. "You can play later buddy. Right now it's time for breakfast. See Rae is eating her food."

"Rae eat!" The big brother watched his little sister drink her meal in Olivia's arms, before he took his spoon and ate a large spoonful of his oatmeal. "Noah eat, too!"

"Good boy. Keep eating and then you can play with Lucy while mama goes to work."

Work, however, wasn't exactly where Olivia was headed. She would end up there eventually, but her first priority was returning to the hospital and hope that she would be allowed to see her boyfriend. She was trying not to get her hopes up because she had done that once and they had been crushed, but she couldn't stop herself from grasping at the thought of being able to see Rafael alive and well.

Noah stopped shoveling his food in his mouth. "Mama play too?"

"Yeah; but you and mama will play tonight." Liv placed Raegan's empty bottle on the table and put the baby over her shoulder, patting her back gently.

"Mama and Rafi will play."

The mom sighed, looking into her sons big hopeful brown eyes. That had become the norm for her son, mama got home and Rafael was usually with her or already there. And that had been good for both of them. A schedule, some normality, it was something that during his first few months of life hadn't been there and sometimes with Olivia as commanding officer, his own mother hadn't been able to give him. Rafael had helped make constancy in their lives; they all needed that back.

"Mama is going to play. I don't think Rafi will be back yet buddy." Olivia hated to break the news to her son. "But maybe we can go see Rafi tomorrow."

That morning's conversation with Noah replayed and replayed in her head as she drove to the hospital and as she walked the halls of the third floor, making her way to a nurse's station.

"Ma'am what can I do for you?" A nurse in purple scrubs stared up at the sergeant.

"Can you tell me if Rafael Barba is here?"

"I certainly can." The woman gave her a cheerful smile, like she was more than happy to answer the question. "It looks like he's in room 322. If you head straight through those double doors and take the first right, the room will be a little ways down the hall."

On her way to the doors that lead to where she would find Rafael, Olivia was stopped by the doctor she had seen the night before.

"I see you're back this morning." The doctor commented. "I don't think I caught your name last night."

"It's Olivia."

The doctor nodded as he took in the information. "Well I'm glad to see you again. I'm sure that Rafael will be thrilled to see someone."

"Is he doing alright?" Liv asked.

With a motion of his hand, the doctor moved Liv past the doors, so that their conversation could be a little more private. "He's doing quite well. All of the tests we ran last night come back clear. He does have a small concussion, but it's not much to worry about and it doesn't seem to be bothering him. He's sore from the surgery, but he's not in too much pain. From the looks of it, I would say that he'll be going home in the next couple of days."

She took her time walking to Rafael's room after her conversation with the doctor. Olivia wanted nothing more than to see him and she was happy to hear he was doing so well, but she also wasn't quite ready to admit that she made a mistake in blaming Rafael for not telling her about the trial. She overreacted; she shouldn't have done what she did, and now she had to face the consequences. All she could hope was that Rafael wouldn't hold a grudge.

The handle of the door felt cold in her hand as she turned it. She pushed the door open slowly, not sure exactly what would be waiting on the other side for her. However, she was greeted by a rather regular hospital room in which Barba laid in the bed in the center. There were a few monitors near the bed and the IV in Rafael's hand was attached to a bag that sat next to the bed.

His head and been turned away from the door, towards the window in the room, but as soon as he heard the door open he turned his head to see who was coming in. He had expected his doctor or another nurse, but he was much happier to see Olivia watching him from the doorway.

"Liv." Rafael's voice was quiet, but in the silence of the hospital room, Olivia could hear him loud and clear.

"How are you feeling?" Liv walked up closer to the bed, holding back slightly as to not overstep.

A small smile came across his face. "Better now that you're here."

The answer was like a wave of relief crashing over her. "I'm so sorry for what happened. I'm so sorry, Rafael."

"Olivia Benson, what are you apologizing for?" Rafael's questioned baffled the sergeant.

"I was… I was rude and inconsiderate and I overreacted. I should never have treated you that way that night. You didn't deserve it. I was upset and the thought of another trial where I'm considered the victim terrifies me. But none of that is your fault. I know that you had the best intentions; I should have trusted that you didn't do anything to purposefully upset me. You mean more to me than some trial ever will and I was stupid to put our relationship in jeopardy over it."

Rafael allowed Liv's words to settle for a moment. He had never been mad at her; he understood her feelings. All he had wished was that she would share them with him, that she would feel comfortable enough to let him help her through a difficult time. And in that moment, Rafael knew how much courage it was taking Olivia to share her apologies and open up to him. It meant more to him than she would probably ever realize.

"You do realize that you could have just told me how you felt, right? I was never mad at you. I was upset that instead of letting me help, you just shut me out. I thought we had gotten passed that point; I thought that you felt comfortable enough to let me do that." Rafael reached his hand out; Olivia understood his cue and put her own hand onto his. "You don't have to be the strongest person in the room all the time. Sometimes you have to give yourself a break. And I know that maybe you don't always feel like you can do that with the team, it's understandable, but I want to be the person you feel like you can relax around, that you feel like you can finally open up to."

Olivia stared in disbelief at the man lying before her. "Has anybody ever told you that you're too great for your own good?"

"No they haven't but I think I kind of like it." The infamous Barba smirk covered his face.

The couple didn't get to spend enough time together before Olivia received a call from Nick telling her that they had caught a case and she needed to meet them at the crime scene. Although their time was cut short, both of them were just happy to be back on the same page. Their relationship was important to them, neither wanted to be without it.

"Mama look Rae." Noah giggled at his little sister.

Olivia's day had been long and stressful after she left the hospital; she found her son's happiness to be the perfect relief. "What is it Noah?"

However, the spit up that was covering the baby girl's onsie and causing her to wail was not what the mom had expected. It made the decision for it to be bath time rather easy. Noah took his time splashing around in the bath tub, playing with the bubbles and all of the toys he insisted come into the tub with him. Raegan had been an easy clean as usual and had fallen asleep almost before Liv could finish dressing her in her pajamas.

"Mama, Nemo." Noah snuggled up to his mom with his stuffed turtle held close.

As a special treat for her son, and a little bit for herself too, Liv had decided that after bath time, she would let Noah lie in her bed and watch a movie until he fell asleep. He had chosen his favorite, so the two were watching Finding Nemo while Raegan slept in her bassinet at the end of the bed.

Just as Olivia was thinking that Noah had finally fallen asleep, his small voice peaked through the silence. "Watch Nemo with Rafi, mama."

"I think it's a little late for Rafi to come watch, baby."

"Morrow?" Liv smiled at her son and his struggle to say all of the words he wanted.

"You know what buddy? Maybe not tomorrow, but very soon Rafi will be here and you can watch all the movies you want together."

This time, though, the mom was happy to tell her son that Rafael would be with them soon because she knew that it was true. There was a lot of comfort in it for herself and for her son.

_*** Yay for Barson! Review and let me know what you think. Also, I was thinking that I might end this story and write a sequel to it. I have some ideas for a continuation**_ . _**Would anyone be interested/like to read a sequel? * **_


	22. Chapter 22

"Rafi, Rafi! Where mama?" Noah watched Rafael with his big brown eyes, taking in every move the man made in the kitchen as he prepared dinner for the family.

"Oh you want to know where mommy is do you? Do you?" The man leaned down to Noah's level before he reached out his hands, grabbing the little boy in his arms, and tickled his tummy. Laughter quickly filled the apartment. The noise died down as Rafael stopped his tickle attack. "Mama's at work still buddy, but she'll be home soon."

When the little boy went back to his blocks in the living room, Rafael wasn't sure if he was satisfied with the answer or if Noah just didn't quite understand what he had been told. It was a different question for the two year old; as much as he loved his mom, ever since Rafael had returned to their lives over a month ago, the little boy had been attached to him and most of the time he rarely noticed when the district attorney got home before his own mother.

"Mama!" Rafael looked up from where he stood at the stove when he heard Noah's shout. Sure enough, Olivia had just barely made it through the door before her son was at her feet, wrapping his arms around her legs, and squeezing her so tight that it seemed it had been years since he saw her, instead of just a little over twelve hours.

Liv reached down and lifted Noah into her arms. "Hi, my sweet boy." She planted a kiss on her son's forehead.

Rafael moved from his post in the kitchen to greet his girlfriend. "Hey, babe."

Olivia had never liked the term babe; she always felt that it was immature or a little degrading, but in Rafael's Spanish accent mixed with his charm, Liv had grown to love hearing it from him.

"Hi to you, too." They shared a quick kiss. "How long have you been here?"

"Not too long." He looked down at his watch, "Only about forty five minutes."

The sergeant set her son back down on the floor with his piles of blocks and other toys that he had taken out throughout the day. "Ahh so Lucy got to go home early today, how nice of you. Now, where is my daughter?"

As if on cue, there was a cry from the bedroom. "I swear that child has some kind of sixth sense." Rafael joked.

Liv chuckled as she walked into her bedroom. The baby was lying on her back, kicking her chubby little legs. She calmed down almost immediately after Olivia picked her up. She was so much different than Noah in that way. Now six months old, Raegan always wanted attention and she was happiest in someone's arms; her brother had been the exact opposite content playing with his toys and only being held when he was upset. But the mom had to admit that she didn't mind being needed by her little girl.

"Raegan girl, is it time for your dinner?" The baby cooed in her arms.

Rafael watched Olivia return with Raegan. She entered the kitchen, too, retrieving a bottle for the baby. He placed a gentle hand on her shoulder, looking at Raegan who was watching him. "Dinner will be ready in five."

Olivia nodded. "Good, I'm starving." She grabbed the bottle she had just finished making. "Noah, come here, buddy. We're going to eat dinner."

The toddler ran to the table. Liv removed the tray from his high chair and allowed the little boy to climb into the seat. The mom put the tray back on with her free hand and sat down at her own seat so that she could feed Raegan.

"Here we go." Rafael set a full bowl in front of Olivia and a smaller bowl on Noah's tray.

They all sat at the table enjoying the meal the man had made. Liv steadied the bottle in her hand while trying to help Noah use his fork to eat his dinner. She took bites from her own plate as she got the chance. It was a seemingly normal meal now that she was getting used to feeding two kids and herself at the same time.

"This is delicious Rafael. Thank you." Liv looked up from the two little ones.

"I'm glad you like it." Rafael looked on as his girlfriend returned to her duties. It was his favorite thing to watch: strong, no nonsense Olivia Benson as a lovingly engaged mom. After four years of working together, he had taken a liking to seeing another side of the tough as nails sergeant. She was meant to be a mother; it was the other role that she was born to fill and to know that he had been even the smallest part of her growing into that role gave him an endearing pride. And now that he was carrying an even bigger place in Liv's family, he felt not only pride, but a connection that couldn't be replaced. That connection meant a lot and also had a great impact on the decisions he was now planning on making for his future.

Olivia could feel Barba watching her. "Hey, you still with us?" She asked, half-jokingly.

Rafael left his thoughts at the sound of her voice. "Oh yeah, sorry."

"Is everything okay? You seem a little distant tonight." Liv had noticed his unease earlier. It was unusual for the man.

"Umm… yeah I'm fine. Just a lot on my mind." Rafael answered, but knew that she wouldn't buy it.

"Okay… You know we can talk about it you want. You are allowed to do that." Liv got that sometimes all you wanted to do was come home from work and scream about all the injustices and horrible human beings that came with their careers.

Rafael shook his head. "Maybe later. It's not much, just the usual work things we're too familiar with."

The rest of dinner was quiet, so was the clean-up. Rafael played with the kids while Liv loaded the dish washer and wiped up the counters. Soon enough though, everyone was in the living, the adults joining the children on the floor for some before bed time play.

While Olivia was making Raegan laugh by flinging around a stuffed animal and Noah stacked his blocks, Rafael went to where his coat and brief case sat against the entryway wall. However, the district attorney wasn't retrieving anything that was work related; instead he picked up the gift bag that he had hidden behind his other belongings.

"Well what do you have there?" Olivia smirked.

Rafael sat back down on the floor next to Noah, who immediately noticed the present the attorney was holding. "Just some things for all of you."

"You know you spoil these kids a little too much." Liv told him.

Rafael gave her a big smile. "Oh don't worry there's a little something in here for you also."

The man pulled out two stuffed animals. One was a blue elephant, the other was pink piggy, and embroidered on the tummies of each animal were the kids' names: Noah on the elephant and Raegan on the piggy. Both the toddler and baby were instantly reaching for their new toys. Noah hugged his tight, while Raegan stuffed the nose of hers in her mouth, getting her drool all over it in typical baby fashion.

"Well they both certainly like them." Olivia watched both of her kids with their new toys, trying to pull the pig out of Raegan's mouth. "Noah, can you say thank you?"

"Tank you." Noah loosened his grip around the blue elephant and instead threw himself at Rafael, doing his best to give him a hug.

"Alright, now we have to give mama her gift Noah." Rafael reached back into the bag and pulled something out, but Noah's little body was hiding whatever it was. "Here you go, buddy, take that to mama for me."

Olivia felt her stomach drop; her breath hitching in her throat as soon as her son turned around. She covered her mouth with her hand, stopping a gasp from leaving her. Noah toddled over to where his mother sat crisscross on the floor and handed her the small blue velvet box that had been given to him by Rafael.

"Raf." His nickname came out of her mouth as a whisper.

He gave her a small smile, looking just as nervous as she felt. "I know this seems like a lot and I don't want to push you into doing anything too fast. I know we've been through a lot on our own and already as a couple; I get that. And this… this doesn't mean we have to start planning something tomorrow or even in the next month if we don't want to. I just want this to mean that it's us and it's going to continue to be us."

The sergeant let out a shaky breath. She tried to hold back the tears that were so rapidly forming, but she found it so hard to do so as she sat staring at the man she had fallen so in love with. He knew her and she knew him; they'd known each other for four years. They had spent countless nights in the precinct and in the courthouse and in his office working case after case. They had seen the worst the world had to offer and taken it down together. And now in her apartment, she was seeing some of the best that the world had to offer: a man who cared more than she realized anyone could and two beautiful children who made her world brighter every time they smiled or laughed.

"Rafael are you sure about this?" Her voice was still quiet and this time much more emotion filled.

"Of course I am." Rafael assured her. "You've been in the hospital; I've been in the hospital; we've been split up at work and I haven't left yet Liv. I wouldn't do this if I didn't mean it and if I didn't want it so badly it hurt. This is where I'm meant to be: with you and Noah and Raegan. I want this to be permanent. I want this to be our lives."

Olivia broke out in a smile as the tears came flooding down her cheeks. She cracked open the jewelry box and carefully slipped out the rather large cushion cut diamond ring. It fit perfectly on her ring finger, almost as perfectly as Rafael Barba had fit into her life.

The woman scooted over to her now fiancé. They shared a loving look, before leaning in and sharing a long, passion filled kiss. Everything felt more filled with love than it ever had.

"Are we seriously doing this?" Olivia asked in disbelief as she held out her hand to admire her new accessory.

"Well since you put on the ring, I'm pretty sure that means you are agreeing to marry me Ms. Benson."

"I love you." Liv had never meant those three words more than she did now.

As the night came to a close, the kids asleep in their beds, and the only sound filling the bedroom was the even breathing of Rafael asleep next to her, Olivia found herself staring at her ring. If someone had asked her if she ever thought that she would be marrying Rafael Barba she would have laughed out loud. But she also never thought that she would have two children or that she would be one of the most important sergeants in the NYPD. And even if she wouldn't have believed it before, she was now engaged to a man that meant the world to her. Sometimes, things ended up so much different than expected.

_*** Here we go; I am calling this the final chapter! (At least of this story.) Thank you all so much for following this story and writing wonderful reviews chapter after chapter. I'm planning on a sequel and I hope that we can keep the Barson love going. * **_


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